We all have them...But how awkward it really wud be if u say u were in a group of friends and then be asked who is ur fav and u somehow have to tell the truth, yet it cud be so awful when u somehow leave out the name of one... who u r personal fav of...:)
That cud be heart breaking, and imagine that person... wudnt say a thing, just feel it a lot and then give u a sheepish smile... knowing so bad, tat she just wants to go and be anywhere but there...
and be around those who have her as the personal fav...
But sometimes, we dont have to really leave those who we love, just cuz they cant love us back like we do...we dont have to leave them, unless they start getting bitchy...for there is never a harm in being honest and having preferences...:)atleast i beleive that...
So i am trying to undertsand myself here... the battle always really is abt was i right or wrong... was i good or bad... will i regret it later or not... will it harm me or not... is it worthy or not... do i really need this or not... is this really necessary or not...
and if i was right, good, havent done something that i will regret, its really not something that will harm me, its really worthy, and needed and necessary...
i will be at peace and happy inside and outside really!
So here are my personal favs... and u can hate me for it or love me, talk behind my back or just keep it to u ... think hours on, on sideline without a single thought
Speaking of wat they were
when i was born to now...i will try to remember.... and write
when i was 12- 18
God: Allah, he is the only god i really am concerned abt... want to learn abt, want to hear abt, and want to love with all my heart and soul and anything else if there is...:)
Love: As in the topic and my fascination... i wanted to know everything abt it... and experience it...
USA/ Europe: the place i wanted to visit
Time of the Day : Night
Dil Hai ke manta nahi
Meney pyar kiya
there are more but these movies i can have anytime... anywhere... even in the mid of crying and surely i will be forgetting crying or wont remember the cause for it...:P
unless i am crying for love...then may be ill cry along with them... and they will be like my best friend...
songs... if i can exactly remmember the ones i used to hum
and as many as there are stars in the universe...:)
Maula: I was introduced to Maula... It was love at first sight...:) i cried heartily and he smiled at me giving me that warmth that cud make me forget wat heaven is really abt...it was heaven indeed...
My crush/ Love (T - name i will not disclose for the reasons of my pride and his)... Those days i wud never care if anyone wud say it was just a crush... i was dead crying and all u can say i have a crush on him... you fiend... go to ... and dont ever talk to me again... i know wat this is really abt... since u never cud find love u dont want me to beleive in it... but i dont need ur approvals of definition... its love i know it and he is the one for me... (only that i never ever added to this phrase) for ever...
so with these three entities and movies and songs and dreams of living in a place, with him... having not to deal with any crap... i was in a paradise almost...which was threatened when i saw one of the people leaving away... and mostly my car wud get deflated when i was asked to doubt, i may not get and that punctured tire seemed like a very bad thing... all i cared was for that tire to always be in place... how? is no more a big question:) i am now over that insecure, easily scared period of my life...:) Mahsa Allah
Oh god, pls dont get scared if u see how old i really am... (Not as old as God, and if he can still be ur friend and ur moms, so can i be... i am just cool and age is for me the number of years i have been on this earth and nothing more)
wat i loved back then is still the same...
Movies: still are my personal fav
Songs : still are my personal fav
Women: Madhuri the actress / Anuradha the singer
Maula : still is my personal fav and now we are bonded in an unbreakable tie... its not marriage, for marriages can be broken with the word "divorce"... we are bonded in a bond that will stick along for eternity... it was a hard time on me... Loving him was easy, but enemies made sure, i dont keep on it... they failed terribly... just that i suffered, he did too, but he was stronger then me, so i am sure that made it all possible... i am glad though its over... even if it took away so many days and hours of my lifei dont regret it one bit... i know now that even if that period had extended to the whole of this life... i wudnt have regretted it one bit... so touch wood... i succeeded in being with him... and having him forever..:)
you will be wanting to know wat happened to the fourth tire... well:(
I still dont beleive them who said its just a crush and love, cuz i did wanted him and wud have loved him if we had gotten together... and i made efforts, that i cud think of at that time... but after a year ... i realised it wasnt really needed... and so i ended beleiving in him to be that tire. But to my very good luck... before i got that deflated tyre out of my life... i was already presneted by another...
My second crush/ Love... who all i want to name is the most beautiful moment and memory offerer, who didnt let me cry a single tear and filled that abt to become emoty space with him, to get my car back to move...
His name is D: (I am not going to name him, for his pride and presence)
somehow i ruined it or it got ruined cuz of my mistake... i was naive... and totally phuwar when it comes to knowing an ABC of relationships... and being someones friend, all my life the only relations i kept working hard for was my bond with God and Maula... I was so filled up with them and working on them, that i didnt know i was lacking out in other areas... and that he may have needed something which i didnt undertsand giving him... I apologized for my weakness and incapability, but he already had moved on... and so i let it go...
We havent spoken after that... i dont regret, it didnt work out ... but that i cud never really become his friend... or be close to him... or be wat he may have liked... in his time of need is something i will regret... always... but i was so naive... but hey... he is got a great buddy... who makes sure gives him all he needed... and i can just not worry abt him...
i always wanted to hug him, like really hug him and tell him... i care for u... u r still my best man!:)
but i think its not needed... someone is there to tell him that and i think he likes to hear it from her more then he wud have ever liked to hear from me... so i wud never regret ...
i never will know what usually made us have those barriers... whenever he tried being there i hurted him... and when ever i did... he hurted me!
but i didnt know then He was going to happen to me... but even before that...before i crossed way to AB (My crush/ love (or may be i am wrong to use the term love)
so talking abt now
My Perosnal favs are:
Imam Husain (well he is by default, i was born with him in my heart:D)
Man: Salman Khan (I have no idea where he landed here)
My Crush / Love/ soulmate/ Future husband to be, if all goes well and i dont mess up this time too: AB
if ur name is not here... its cuz i havent really met u in person and u havent hit my heart like a bullet like they have...:)
when u will there wont be missing out on u... no ways...
PPl i adore just they are adorable and i might end up loving them for always, or atleast praying and remembering them with a happy smile:)
artists whose work capture my heart, like Dane cook, but even better then him was this guy in inidas got talent who made this brilliantpaiting while he danced to the beat in merely 3 mins...
the rest of u i still need to know u better, to remember you forever...:)
but dont worry... i am here for u always ... in case u think i can be of any assistance ever... i will try helping u to the best of my capacity...
Wish you all love
its starnge why i end up having a heart talk that was between me and God and letting ppl in suddenly as if i am actually talking to them... but actually i was...
i was trying to tell u ppl who i am and how i feel and why, and know if i am really eventually, right, good and fine...
I guess i am... cant be too sure...:)