Here it goes!
So by now u know i am in love (or watever that feeling is) with this human, who i was lucky to one fine day connect with...
And from then on i am hooked and stuck in a place rotting for no real reason, but hoping somehow i will be guided out of this rot and get on and do wat ever i am supposed to do and fast...
So my mind is in constant state of trying to find that one clue into the future and that action which is feasable possible and workable...
and so today i dropped by some information which kindled in me an idea... which now i am dying to act on...
But its risky as in it may get me in trouble like big time...
but here it is...
See there is a twist in this tale... when i came across this person, he had recently got out of a 18 yr long relation with his Ex... sorry 16 yes...
they had an affair for a long long time, then they got engaged then they got married and in 20 days they were divorced...
i got to know abt it later and in episodes... dont blame him for that... yet blame him...
but thats not the thing we are over that phase... i am now way maturer and sensibler then i was 3 yrs back... thats precisely the time we have been together on and off...
this girl is who i have no bad feelings for... since its not she or him who are the cause of my pain... its either me myself or something in me...
Now the situation is... she wants him back, but on her terms, she wants her back but on his terms... and i want to be married to the man i love... whoever that is...
Till now i am beleiving he is the one for me... why dont ask me... pls... its my faith... and i wont give up on it just cuz its complicated...
but she can have him or he can be with her...
Wat i really wud like is for us to talk to each other like grown up and sort it out... but all she will think of me is one who wants to make it hard for her to have him...
see isnt it stupid of me to die to be with a man who is in love with someone else right... so i wont have him until he loves me... and if thats not happening i am happy without him...
Anyways, i am not going to lie that i wasnt jealous of this girl... but not that i will ever want to be her... no... i am too happy and proud being myself...for a guy i wont give it all up.
but i just thought of not feeling bad abt her instead trying to heal and love her... so that she cud somehow get healed and cud try healing the both of them... and once they both are healed... they can get together like happily and may be i can feel good...finally... for as long as they stay hurt i will remain hurt...
see these ppl who i have no idea of 3 yrs back came into my life, and build a kind of storm, which no one had ever created before...
it cudnt just have happened for no reason... Gods trying to help me learn soemthing here, understand something here, do something here... and my inability to do something makes me feel less and less unhappy and unprofductive and useless and destructive...
So in order to help myself i need to help these hurt souls... and help them find peace and myself too...
But the trouble is in order to connect with her i will need her email id...
the only person i can ask for it...is one...
That guy himself, who i cant approach
a mutual friend, who i dont trust will keep things to herself, and may for the heck of getting a great gossip might spill it around...
there is this one more person... i just remember... who is an artist and a married women, who seems to be very close to this girl..
So do u guys think its a good idea for me to approach her and ask her for her email id...
she may decline it to me, but do u think i shud take a chance...
See i know this girl... His Ex... is a very rude girl, like she has called me an ass kisser and other things... so i know its not easy for me to let her hear me... and understand that i only mean good and not really am here to harm her...
but do u think i shud do this or shud just stay out of it...
wat ever the majorty will say i shall stick on it... until i go and meet the Amil... who i know i will seek the answers from... as my own intelligence can be pretty naive at times:)
Take care u all
and i miss ur comments and presence so dont be too long!
Love
i think u should go for the email-id and sort this thing out as peacefully as possible.
ReplyDeletegoood luck from my side,
i wish u get all the very best in your life.
Go for the ID,sort it like adults only if you really like this guy and very sure of your feelings and make sure this guy is true with you as well...:)
ReplyDelete..I just want to say that you have all the rights in the world to fight for your love..dont give up..and ask for Allah's guidance,He will lead you..Insya Allah..
and I will pray for you as well..:):)
Good luck!!
I am so scared, at times i feel in order to sort my life i am trying to bang into others life...
ReplyDeleteits feels wrong...if they are fine with the life they have, even if its the messiest possible... isnt it their life...
and if my life somehow is that because of these two... may be i will have to live with it until i finally find a way out from them into a better someone... who knows... wat Gods really wanting...how cud i have possibly got in this mess...this is so much for my little heart and mind to deal with!
If only i can just not have cared for him this much...or cud have found someone else.
:) Its like no body dragged me... it was presented to me and i just dig helad over heel in it...Cant even blame him. He wud easily say, tum me aqal thi na... to use kiya hota:)
nahi thi... u think aqal hoti to koi bhi yeh kerta... mujh mein aqal nahi thi... and even that is not ur fault!
But keb tek? will i actually think i will be going on like this... isnt it already long enuf!
u should do this, bus that is the thing u need to know, don't fear the result, u fear it just because it's predictable.
ReplyDeletefor motivation listen to Eminem.
i always listen to his songs when i want hope and vigor.
and please, calm down, ur posting speed is way too high, i cant post my comments in all of them, it makes me sad, cos i don't get to read all of them.