The Amil (TA): You came back
TA: I saw u in the Jamat Khana, u seemed to be hiding away!
Me: embarassingly Yes, i am sorry, I cudnt meet you then, i was waiting for Ramadan to end, so i cud have ur proper attention... i knew i cudnt talk abt it to u then
TA: Its ok!
TA: so wats the news, u went to india
Me: Yes and i met the Muqasir Maula (MM)
Me: He Got the Faal from the Quran, here it is
TA: Reads it, and smiles back... Great... U got it!
Me: Yes, I feel like i have been guaranteed the world and beyond! It really makes me feel happy, but
It doesnt say anything more...I have no clue of wat to do next
TA: So talk to him
Me: Say wat, that i got a Faal out and it says, i am supposed to marry you... You think that will convince him...He doesnt beleive in all this...he will probably smack at me and tell me to get off
TA: no not like that!
Me: then what shud i say, that i love u and lets get married, i dont even know wat love is now, since its so easy for u and everyone to tell me marry someone else... like its a job, if u dont get at MCB try at Bank Habib
He knows i care for him, and i love him, that wasnt enuf for him to make the commitment... I know he is single, and not totally happy but i dont know wats in his mind,...Only God knows that... and there is no way i will ever know wats in his heart or mind...
TA: then wat can we do
Me: I want Maula to see my case, and show me step by step a path that finally gets me married, either to him or to anyone Maula thinks appropriate, till then, i will be in this agitated and unhappy position...and if you cant help me that guide me to someone who can...I can take Mufaddal Maulas word too since he is now the new in line...
TA: How can i do that, no one can tell u who to marry,
Me: Well Rasulallah Cud tell who to marry, there was this Girl who came to rasulallah and she told her the next person who comes in front of u is your husband you tell him that....
TA: That was Rasulallah,
Me: Yes and This is his true representative, in place... i dont doubt, he cannot do that... even though i do doubt i dont have that strong faith like that woman or that man...
TA: It doesnt work this way...
Me: Then if u can tell me why did i get into this...Why was i brought to him... if he is really not in love with me, how did i ended up getting involved with him, and if he was really not in my fate, wat does this faal means? why didnt it just came a no!
TA: silently listens
Me: See tell me one thing... r u the right one who know or u r just as ignorant abt it as i am... for then i will not bother u...
TA: not beleiving how a girl half his age can talk to her like that..but he keeps his calm
Me: I know i am going way beyond my position and status, but Maula's love and faith has made me do this... All our life we are asked to take every one of his word literally...and when it comes a time to really ask him to do miracles, i wont listen anyone tell me he wont... i want him to solve this problem... for its costing me my everything!
I want my voice to reach him, i want my questions to reach him, if its u who will take it fine, if anyone else, fine, and if he is listening to me right now which i believe he is then i want him to answer me. even if i am the biggest sinner.
(I wish i can say all this... in my next meeting)
(Guys i am sorry i am sharing this with u... for the rasulallah part... my apologies, if u cannot agree or find sinful, may allah, but according to our faith Maula is the actual representative of Rasulallah!) and hence his word is as authentic to us as from Quran aur sunnah!:)
i actually want to have this conversation with our Amil, but i just dont know if i can, if its ok! and so i cant get the guts...