Monday, December 31, 2012

Monday, December 3, 2012

thinking to adopt a child, now that marriage is not really in my cards!

Self-Assessment Adoption Quiz

he goal of this quiz is to help you (and your spouse) identify, clarify and discuss your feelings and goals about adoption. If you have a spouse or partner, complete the assessment separately, then compare and discuss your answers.
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  1. Why do you want to adopt? to have someone to love, and feel lifes worthiness and aim
  2. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, how badly do 8
  3. Who is the driver of wanting this adoption? Will this cause conflict? you want to adopt?Me (definitely)
    • Me (a little bit more than my spouse)
    • My spouse/partner (definitely)
    • My spouse/partner (a little bit more)
    • Both want to adopt about the same
  4. Will this driver/driven dynamic cause conflict in your relationship? i am single
  5. What age child would you prefer to adopt? (Underline the preferred age, and circle all ages you would be willing to consider.)
    • Newborn (under six months)
    • Infant (newborn to 2)
    • Preschooler (3 to 5)
    • Primary school (6 to 10)
    • Middle school (11 to 14)
    • High school (15 to 18)
  6. How firm are you on the age selected above?  firm
  7. Which of the following disabilities would you be willing to consider in an adoptive child? (Select all that you would consider)
    • Drug exposed (occasional)
    • Deafness
    • Mild or medically correctable condition
    • No drugs or alcohol considered
    • Non-correctable (cerebral palsy, retardation etc.)
    • Alcohol exposed (occasional)
    • Alcohol exposed (frequent)
    • Smoking exposed
    • Emotional/mental disorders in family
    • Emotional/mental disorders in child
    • Premature birth
    • Multiple birth
    • Club foot
    • Cleft pallet or lip
    • Downs Syndrome
    • Epilepsy in child
    • Epilepsy in family
    • Blindness
    • Diabetes in child
    • Diabetes in family
    • Conceived through rape
    • Conceived through incest
    • Nothing known about father
    • Nothing known about mother
    • Sibling group
  8. Which of the following racial heritages would you be willing to consider in an adoptive child? (Select all that apply)
    • Any Child
    • Arab/Middle Eastern
    • Asian
    • African American
    • Caucasian
    • Caucasian/Asian
    • Caucasian/African American
    • European
    • Caucasian/Hispanic
    • Caucasian/Native American
    • Eastern European/Slavic/Russian
    • Hispanic or South/Central American
    • Mediterranean
    • Middle Eastern
    • Multi-Racial
    • Native American (American Indian)
    • Pacific Islander
  9. Which gender would you prefer in your child?
    • Girl
    • Boy
    • Either
  10. Would you consider twins?
    • Yes
    • No
  11. Do you feel you are stable in your relationship as a couple without having children? yes
  12. Which friends and family members would you want to tell about your adoption plans? Which would be supportive and which would not?  i will be able to make them all get alone with my decision
  13. What level of openness are you willing to consider with birthparents?
    • Completely open adoption
    • Open adoption with reasonable boundaries
    • Exchanging letters and photos only
    • Completely confidential adoption
  14. Would you be willing to comply with specific birth family requests regarding child rearing (such as religious instruction, name or schooling)?
    • Yes
    • No
  15. 15. Where would you be willing to go to adopt? (Select all that apply)
    • Only in our state
    • Neighboring states
    • Anywhere in US
    • International
  16. How much time will you take off work during and after the adoption? as much as i can... i will work for it, so that i can give a him a good life.
  17. How much money would you be willing to spend on an adoption?  not much... minimal fees if possible. ki wud rather spend more on the kid then on the adoption services. which i beleive shud be a not so expensive service
  18. How much economic hardship would that cause?
  19. When and how do you feel children should be told they're adopted?
    • As early as possible / preschool
    • Mid- to late-childhood
    • As adults
    • Only when they ask
    • Only when they find out
    • Never
    • Not sure
  20. Would you support/assist your child if he/she wanted to find, contact or have a relationship with his/her birthparents?
    • Yes
    • No
    • Don't know
  21. Many adoptive parents have 'dry runs' before they actually adopt. How would you handle an adoption that matched with you but did not end up placing? dont get it
  22. 22. Will you or your spouse (partner) change your workload outside the home after the adoption?
    • Yes, I will stay at home with the child
    • Yes, my spouse will stay at home with the child
    • I will reduce my work load to part time
    • My spouse will reduce his/her work load to part time
    • Will remain the same
    • Already stay-at-home
  23. What do you feel you could contribute to a child? love affection and good life
  24. What aspects of childrearing are so important to you that you would find it difficult to compromise (such as disciplinereligion, schooling, stay-at-home parenting, etc.)? loving and providing for its basic needs as well as socal need for him/ her to be a good and positve human being
  25. Are you ready to love an adopted child as much as one you gave birth to biologically?
    • Yes
    • No
    • I think so
    • I don't know
  26. Would you prefer to continue with infertility treatment before seriously pursuing adoption? If so, why? No
  27. Deep down do you feel like you are being forced to adopt if you want to have children, adoption as a means to build a family is "second best," or that adoption is your "last resort" if you want to be able to have children?  No
    (If you answered yes to any of these points, there is a very good chance that you have some significant unresolved issues relating to infertility that you might find beneficial to address and resolve prior to adopting.)
  28. What is the ideal adoption situation for you? none
  29. Ideally, how many children would you like? 2
  30. How long are you willing to wait to adopt?
    • Up to six months
    • Six months to 1 year
    • 1 year to 2 years
    • 2 to 3 years
    • However long it takes

I am done Loving!

He is the only one i love but i cant be with him. Its a shame.

I am asked to look out for new love but i tell every one.. i am done loving... and i am glad i got a chance to  have loved fully. i gave him all that i had... and now i have nothing to left in me... an emppty hollow heart... and a soul that is full of him

so i might marry another , . but it wont be for love, it wud be for duty..

.i never believed in marriage without love... i never believed in  loving one and marryig other... i dont believe in having a wandering and longing heart while i am with someone on my side... 

believe in loving once and giving my everything to it. and i did... 

Aren't men supposed to know the womans heart... and whats in it when they seek to marry... or are they just bothered about having their  needs met... need for sex... need for food and need for support.

or do men really do care for a woman like a woman care for a man? to know them inside out

May be he tried teaching me this  lesson. when needs are at stake... man cant think.

but all i know is i have loved for this life... and may be i failed... but even if my heart bleeds and my soul cries,   i do smile and laugh and sing and dance, when i come across something mesmerizing. This world is so beautiful with so many beautiful people... including all those heart throbs, my mind tries temoting me with... and i do think men make this planet beautiful, just like man think woman make this world beautiful... 

but for me he stands out... like a sun among stars... like a  kind among people... like a love among infatuations...  and a longing among needs. needs that can be easily fulfilled and replaced... he on the other hand is   longing that tugs at my heart and keeps it bleeding through my eyes.

I may have losthim... but i didnt lose my will to love him.  its still there and my hearthsnt stop bating on his name. 

 i sinserely wish those who love me cud know how i feel and let me be and forgive me for not being like them...not thinking like them... not behaving like them. not existing like them.

I was born to be myself... love my way... live my way, dress my way, eat my way... exist my way  and finally die my way!