to imagine something beautiful and throw it in the air with a hope to see it happening one day, expecting it to happen someday here or in the eternity...

:D

is indeed necessary part of being a healthy, blissed , and positive human...

Sharing this with you all



When i starting blogging...it was meant to be a space for me, where i cud write it all out which was impossible and even unhealthy to share with anyone else... not even the closest chums...

I have realized it after denying and beleiving that its not really true... but somethings are meant only for u to know alone and share with no one but ur own soul... not even your soulmate... for there is a world in him/her which will remain unaccessible to u... the only one who can view it... is God... who needs no visa or passport to enter there...:D

I didnt know then that i shall be followed by humans here and i will actually feel good abt letting them in... to the most secretive part of me... which can open me like a book... and lead to judgements of others... not necessarily harmless or useful...

But just like i felt great being in someone elses space and knowing their souls through their blogs their intimate thoughts... i cudnt deny others mine... yes i do have a filter that i can use if i want... and may be i do use it...

but wat i really enjoy abt blogging is...is the fact that one day... may be... before leaving this world i will tell my kids and those who matter and to whom i matter to have a read of this...

the fact that this blog might be here for others to read even when i wont be here is very satisfying and exciting... as if i feel i will be alive and vry much part of the life of anyone who reads me through this blog...

just like when i read someones blog entry... and without even knowing him feel instantly connected to him/ her in that moment... so will someone else feel abt me...

they might even try to imagine my being through this... envisage me picture me...

and my kids or husband may come to know me in a different light when reading this... cuz wat i am here i know i may never be there...

this is that space or part of that space which is private... even for them...

i remember there were times when my mom used to tell me abt her life... her childhood...

anytime she told me something which was unjust done to her... by even the closest of her family my protective side wud get angry and agitated... i wud live her pain and i wud question them how dare they did that to her...

and then she used to tell me how she played gilli danda on her terrace, or tennis in her one room home... and i cud see a girl... doing that... but cudnt really think that girl was my mom... in that moment it was that girl... who i never wud get to know in real... as mom isnt really a girl or is she...:)

she is mom, one who can never be a girl for me...i can never see her having thoughts like me... needs like me... for she is mom... a sacrificing mom... who only has eyes for us four, life for us for, thoughts for us four, needs for us for... and nothing else...

but i am glad when she does end up showing her needs for her own girl and make us know she isnt just a mom... she is a woman a girl who needs almost the same things like we do...

so as i write in here my fears, my dreams... my moments, my thoughts and happenings and passions and desires... i feel i am getting into an eternal being... which will atleast exist here for as long as even one soul accesses this page and thinks abt me...in the hearts of those who love me and hold on to me i of course will stay for as long as their hearts keep beating with me in it...

This space still is meant for me...but its ok if you want to gain strength from it, love from it, happiness from it and faith from it...

i will feel God approves of me if i was able to render that...

everything else forgive me...for i am but human...