They are enuf to let marriage stay a far thing... yet as if my heart sinks as i think me in my 40s single and alone... wasted!
So ill try to honestly write down my fears and pls dont tell me i am stupid to think like this... i know i am may be... but i wud rather have someone help me get over them then reiterate wat i already know...
1- I fear marriage with the wrong person, and then unable to get out of it, cuz theres a lot of emotional and personal responsibility attached in marriage... Its an unbreakable commitment... once made must be lived with all it offers.
2- I fear marriage with the person i love who cannot love me back and its obvious... he will then either cheat on me, or may be treat me with harshness my little heart cannot handle
3- I fear being inadequate and too tired and unhappy delivering to needs of my family who may have a lot of expectations from me, and in order to keep them happy with me, i might be asked to do things i hardly ever do or did...what if i dont do a good job and they are not pleased... wud it mean i will be asked to leave and i cant bear it
4- I fear i will be a bad mother, careless, who will be worried more and who might not have enuf money to give them a beautiful childhood and wat if they end up coming out unhappy and dissatisfied... like i get sometimes... to see my klids not doing better then me, will make me the most unhappy i can get
5- i seriously have no clue how and what will i do with my kids, will i make the right decisions, will i be able to give them good values, and if they will end up being rebels like me will i have patience and love to get them back on track or will i lose my mind...
6- That the spark that i have with my husband will go away as soon as kids come and life will be monotony which ii always have a hard time dealing with...
7- Would we be in love totally madly deeply or will it be a compromise one of us wud have done... which we will always keep bringing up every day of our life
8- will he enjoy my company or wud avoid being around like some men do
9- would he be able to help me in my worst times and get me out, or will he get scared and wud think wat a horrible mistake he made marrying me
10- Will i after being married be able to be on his side, more then anywhere else... and will we never part again
11- that if i speak my heart out to him , share my fears, my desires, he will be patient with me, and undertsanding and loving and caring... and so wud i be to him or we will neglect each other.
12- wud he think he is lucky to be married to me or it was a bad luck?
13- What if he is not happy with me for one or more reasons?
14- what if i find faults and cannot respect him?
15- What if i cannot listen to him, nor do as he pleases, and i dont want to get a divorce
16- i cannot think of a divorce... i cannot deal with it.
17- but i cant deal with being single all my life either... they are both similar torture for me...
18- Is God really unhappy with me, cuz i said no to so many man before am i being punished
19- Am i really not a marriagable material?
20- All i need is love, being happy, have a serene beautiful, worth having life... with someone who i can share myself with in the most friendly genuine open and passionate way... and to love him and be loved by him till our last breaths...am i asking too much!
These are fears, but they run me... they do...but i wish if they are not real fears, they leave me alone... or you somehow let me get over them...