Thursday, September 8, 2011

my deep down fear about being married?:(

They are enuf to let marriage stay a far thing... yet as if my heart sinks as i think me in my 40s single and alone... wasted!

So ill try to honestly write down my fears and pls dont tell me i am stupid to think like this... i know i am may be... but i wud rather have someone help me get over them then reiterate wat i already know...

1- I fear marriage with the wrong person, and then unable to get out of it, cuz theres a lot of emotional and personal responsibility attached in marriage... Its an unbreakable commitment... once made must be lived with all it offers.

2- I fear marriage with the person i love who cannot love me back and its obvious... he will then either cheat on me, or may be treat me with harshness my little heart cannot handle

3- I fear being inadequate and too tired and unhappy delivering to needs of my family who may have a lot of expectations from me, and in order to keep them happy with me, i might be asked to do things i hardly ever do or did...what if i dont do a good job and they are not pleased... wud it mean i will be asked to leave and i cant bear it

4- I fear i will be a bad mother, careless, who will be worried more and who might not have enuf money to give them a beautiful childhood and wat if they end up coming out unhappy and dissatisfied... like i get sometimes... to see my klids not doing better then me, will make me the most unhappy i can get

5- i seriously have no clue how and what will i do with my kids, will i make the right decisions, will i be able to give them good values, and if they will end up being rebels like me will i have patience and love to get them back on track or will i lose my mind...

6- That the spark that i have with my husband will go away as soon as kids come and life will be monotony which ii always have a hard time dealing with...

7- Would we be in love totally madly deeply or will it be a compromise one of us wud have done... which we will always keep bringing up every day of our life

8- will he enjoy my company or wud avoid being around like some men do

9- would he be able to help me in my worst times and get me out, or will he get scared and wud think wat a horrible mistake he made marrying me

10- Will i after being married be able to be on his side, more then anywhere else... and will we never part again

11- that if i speak my heart out to him , share my fears, my desires, he will be patient with me, and undertsanding and loving and caring... and so wud i be to him or we will neglect each other.

12- wud he think he is lucky to be married to me or it was a bad luck?

13- What if he is not happy with me for one or more reasons?

14- what if i find faults and cannot respect him?

15- What if i cannot listen to him, nor do as he pleases, and i dont want to get a divorce

16- i cannot think of a divorce... i cannot deal with it.

17- but i cant deal with being single all my life either... they are both similar torture for me...

18- Is God really unhappy with me, cuz i said no to so many man before am i being punished

19- Am i really not a marriagable material?

20- All i need is love, being happy, have a serene beautiful, worth having life... with someone who i can share myself with in the most friendly genuine open and passionate way... and to love him and be loved by him till our last i asking too much!

These are fears, but they run me... they do...but i wish if they are not real fears, they leave me alone... or you somehow let me get over them...


  1. i hope you get all these ...! but life has an equal amount of compromises and marriage is the 1st stage for the testing of adaptions..!
    hope you get your MR PERFECT soon..!tc

  2. This post has concreted my opinion that marriage ruins relationships.

    Marriage is a mask.

    I hate masks.

  3. no shahil!

    its not... these fears are not what marriage is abt... this fears speak of who we get married to...if he is the right one... and we are right enuf ourself, marriage has done wonder and will continue doing so... beside... when u cannot test ur partner on the most tough time of ur lives... u really havent got a perfect one... my fears are based on my own weaknesses and lack of knowledge and confidence... and my inability to say yes and get on with it rather then fear and keep being afraid.

    i wish we have enf faith that makes us take right things and stick to them till the end...

    there is no relation if u cant marry them... and those u believe u have,.. u are already married to them in ur heart if not on paper.

  4. She doesnt make me feel like a man, as a ring will fix that?

  5. everyone have these fears dear :):)

    Hope you get over it:):):)

  6. why u then sticking around with someone like that... think abt that,

    is it not cuz u r too weak to move out and have faith that u deserve someone who makes u happy in ur skin... more then u felt when u were on ur own...

    thats the person u need to then commit urself to for life... reason... its easy to go for things when all is gold... but to stick around when that gold is grown old is a sign of a real man... but going for gold is imp... for it wont change its feel even if its luster has gone down...

    its tough to find such ppl and to be able to recognize them and have the faith to go all the way for them... but its all abt our own eagerness to get soemthing... i have that eagerness so i know i wont have it any other way... and giving up is not an option for me...

    ofcourse i am learning many things on the way... so no regrets.

  7. Thanks "Love", I heard what I needed to here.