Tuesday, September 6, 2011

doing what my heart says...

hello folks...hello me... hello u

how wud u feel when u were dying every day and becoming alive... when u die u feel u wont feel life again and when u are awaken to life you cant remember what death was like... you can blame it on the memory loss i have...


yesterday was bad... today was badder...i saw a nighmare or a truth i had been closing my eyes to for long, for i dont have a heart to see or experience and live it...its the most painful thing... which i hope God somehow chooses to never have me to see...but God sometimes in his perfection and the desire for me to meet his endless expectation, doesnt listen to my cries...

he just does it anyways...and i can only wish to die...but it doesnt come... thats the courage you are asked to have when u live down here... to face the worst of all things and no u never going to be an easy death, or escape... feel it, live it, bear it... and then come out stronger, better, fuller, saner...

thats wat he wants...

No please will ever do... if those past three nightmares had not been true, i wud have easily let it fall out andf forget abt... but the fact that my nightmares happen, and they come to teach me one thing... that girl, its going to happen... so be a little ready for it... but i promise you it will pass you and you will smile again... or get above it... above every one of ur fear... and at the end... i will be waiting for you with arms open...

i will take u with all those wounds, pains, peices of u... and i know when u will come to me... i will heal it all...

if u are bound to heal us God, why you pain us then... why? why not just let me stay in one peice?

cant say what he wud say to it... but i know... it doesnt matter sometimes if he will be there or not in the end with open arms... i just want him to come and grab me now when i am abt to break in million pieces...

dont let me see it alone, embrace me now for i wont be able to take it God...i dont know why? whats such a big deal, but it is... like you snatch the bite from a hungry persons mouth, or deny water to a thrsty when he had come walking in the heat, or when u take away a beautiful dream from someones eyes when its abt to happen...

I love you God...why cuz you are the one who will eventually give me every one of my wish...no matter how many times u deny it...no one but u will bring me back my smiles.

but cant i just ask you not to let me have to experience this ... can u just do it some other way!

2 comments:

  1. Hmm. A mother lets her son walk and fall. That's how we learn. Life is easy when you look at other people's sufferings.

    Imagine you are 17 and you have to live without your siblings and mother. Or imagine you were blind and you had Salman khan as your husband? Life is not easy for almost all of us.

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  2. its a pain we are all going through... but pain it is hamza...you may have had the guts to live with ur ordeal and learn to live with it but i dont and i will question it... every day of my life. cuz i didnt come here to deal with it or live it... i come here to find happiness not to have to do without it for so long! its good if u can be patient... but i dont wish to anymore... just cuz each of us is in pain doesnt make it even. its when we keep quiet and let the pain guide us instead of love we somehow never learn to make life better for everyone.

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