Monday, September 26, 2011

The meeting with our TNC

A lil background!

I am a dawoodi bohra. We like to keep to our community for various reasons including the preservance of our faith! We are muslims and we are bohras.

So we have a system TNC which is a committe that works internationally helping bohras meet bohras for matrimonial reasons... we hold meetings where potential, ready to marry guys and gals meet... and have chat... counselors are there to undertsand ur preferences so they cud help u find the right match based on ur preference...

this is one of such meeting where a guy is telling his preference in the mate he wants to settle down with... and i find it hilarious to undertsanding... cuz i beleive i have preferences and we all have a right to have them...whether we end up finding someone based on them is totally a luck...

so i am not sure if this guy will be lucky until he fails a lot and finally gives up on his ideals:D

sharing for a flavor... :)

Diary of the Dawoodi Bohra Romeo | Monday 12th
“So, I understand you have been having some…difficulties?” says my new Taiseer-un-Nikah Committee (TNC) counsellor as she sips a cup of masala chai. She asks the question with arched eyebrows and a knowing look and I suspect she has heard the rumours that I am a “problem” case. This is my first meeting with her but not my first TNC counsellor - unfortunately I had to let the first one go due to poor performance and a bad attitude and the second one said she had to let me go for the same reasons!!! But anyway, seeing as it is my first time with her I want to get off to a good start and make a positive impression - after all, she could be the key to my future happiness!

We had started filling the bio-data form earlier in the evening and it had gone relatively smoothly. I have a good education, good job, my own flat, and am from a large and well-established family with a green chitti – all ticks there!

She seemed like a nice Aunty, although we didn't have the same sense of humour because when I mentioned that the dadi in my passport photo made me look like a young Che Guevara and that I would sell well in the Cuban Bohra market (Che che? hahah), she didn't even come close to cracking a smile - she just gave me a strange look and asked what my watan was and whether I had any bad habits!

Me: Watan is East African and I prefer the same and no Aunty, I don’t have any bad habits, although I don't mind celebrating with the occasional Cuban...

Aunty: (snapping): Stop this Cuban nonsense - we don’t have any girls there OK. I can speak to someone about the Miami jamaat.

Me: No I meant….oh never mind…

Aunty: What age do you want?

Me: Well I need to meet someone who is 24-26. That way I can get them knocked up and they can have the first kid before they are 30. Here’s the maths – it will take me a year to get to know them, a year to arrange a wedding, and I want to be married for 2 years before I have a kid. Plus the younger, the more malleable, it’s too hard to teach a 29-30 year old to treat me like God, believe me I’ve tried!

Aunty (outraged): Astaghfirullah! You are not God, who do you think you are!

Me (backtracking): Sorry, bad choice of words...

**There is a pause for a while as Aunty gives me a severe glare and takes a deep breath**

Aunty: What height are you looking for?

Me: OK, I can go as low as 5’3 but prefer taller. But let’s talk about looks. No mingers please. No darkies, no big noses, no bad teeth, no overweight girls, no lazy eyes, no skin conditions, no..

Aunty (interrupting): Why don’t you go to Bollywood and marry Bipashu Basu?

Me: Yes, well that’s not really the feedback I’m looking for....Anyway, Bipashu is actually a lot darker than she looks in the movies, she uses Fair and Lov..

Aunty (interrupting again): Oh so you are too good for Bipashu now…who do you think you are, Casanova?

Me: Well, these girls could do a lot worse! I’ve seen the quality of guys out there!! Anyway, let’s get back to location. I think it’s important to live in the same city as a girl to get to know them properly so I only want London girls! And please no freshies', they’re just on a totally different level, you know?

Aunty (indignant): No I don’t know. Look, in our culture you get to know the girl properly after marriage.

Me: Hmm, interesting, but I prefer before…

**At this point Aunty is just shaking her head and muttering something I can’t hear under her breath**

Aunty: What about her education?

Me: Ah yes, I need a university educated girl with a good professional career like a pharmacist, optician, dentist, or bankers or lawyers because they work long hours and I need my wife to be home early to make dinner for me and the bambino’s!. Oh yeah, she has to be a good cook.

Aunty: OK….and what about deen?

Me: Always good… in moderation, but no ridha’s please, they're an acquired taste.
So, I think I’ve given you a pretty good idea of what our starting point should be - what do you think?

Aunty (referring to notes): So, you want a tall, beautiful, fair, liberal, 25 year old girl from an East African family who lives in London, is a pharmacist and who can cook?

Me (happy): Exactly, we're on the same page!

Aunty (dispirited): OK, don’t call me I’ll call you....

Excellent! I think we made a lot of progress and can’t wait to hear back. Between her and all the new girls that have signed up on (“FAB”), I’m sure I can find someone I like - feeling positive!!!


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