You say he is going to love me exactly like you and u ask me to love him like i loved u. To love another like u... doesnt come naturally to me... loving u wasnt effortless either... it shattered me in ways from a very young age...even though u were spotless... my mind and heart werent...they were full of spots and as i tried getting closer to u..the spots got lightened... and finally when i felt my heart was spotless, u ask me to transfer this spotless love and faith to another...For you cannot stay here with us forever.
We all have been aware of this fact from the days we are born. And we understood how natural and necessary this transfer is... but still i need time enuf time to be able to give msyelf to Him. to be able to see and love him like i loved u... and promise me maula before i do, u will stay with me... protecting me, admonishing me, gripping me, stabling me. For i dont want to go through that trouble again... that depression, those dark fearful, scary nights, that blinding pain, that killing pain... that made it easier for me to die but life became a night mare... this time make it easy for me... easier then it has ever been... make me fall in love with him instantly so that i dont doubt him like i doubted u...for i wasted lot of my happy times cuz of that doubt... and i cannot care to lose more of those precious time.