Have you tried singing?

I sing, like a free bird, like a free soul... i sing... i used to write urdu songs... sher when i was in my teens... i do them still... they speak my feelings like the rest of my words... but they are more closer in expressing the poetic and artistic side of me... there was a time when i used to hide wat i wrote for i know it was raw stuff... a girl wasnt supposed to feel or write... a taboo... u can say but i cudnt hold my words and feelings juts like i cudnt hold my breath...:) they are my lifelines...

i have lost so many... as i never thought they wud ever be sung to anyone... i was scared of being judged or misinterpreted... The sweetness and warmth and purity of soul... cud easily be degraded by one small unclean thought... and for me my words were precious, my feelings matter... even if they didnt get me anything other then that moment in its richness...

some are way too open and revealing... i wont ever put them here... For God and my hubby are two souls who will ever learn that part of me... every one else is an outsider, allowed only to watch a part of me i choose to show...

We all keep secrets inside... they are precious, they are amanat.... when we put them on display we degrade ourselves and that secret... we are tempted or well i can say those are... who dont get from it the blessing and bliss which it gives when u protect it... like u protect ur honour, ur faith, ur truth, ur loved ones - ur most treasured and cherished belongings... you protect them over ur life...

So tender so warm yet so cold at times
I talk of this man, a boy , friend of mine

When I first heard him my heart hammered deep
When I laid my eyes on him his manliness intrigued me

But finally when I met him the emotions were loud and clear
Though nothing of a man I assumed I felt quite at home without fear

He listened oh so well like a gentle man from a british novel
But the sterneness in his face made me think of him as a villain

As I kept on talking clueless of what he thought or felt
I was choked on few strong words spelt

One was love, One was kiss one was our names pronounced together
Locking me to him by some unintentional grasp yet one that was there forever

Never I had thought I wud have to hear what I heard
As he spoke of his views so rigid so strong and from mine differed

I felt my fear getting better of me
Reviewing him once again this time with scrutiny

But felt at ease yet again as I heard him laugh like a baby
Oh he has a heart I felt a warm one and something I wud love to see

For an hour we kept exploring talking knowing
Finally on third call we were broken from the spell we were going

As he moved to the door his sister asked…
If we knew each other from the past

I answered we had talked once
But the time was not so good I deduce

And a blow of laughter sprung in the air
Calling it a happy end to a blissfull affair

As he took my hand so unexpectedly
I cudnt but feel something go of with him of me

Was it my heart my soul or just a dream
Something stirred deep in me

I walked him down and shut door on him
Realizing after wards if I had closed my self to him

He took my number but never called me
For 2 weeks I thought but then got busy

And then suddenly one fine day while making dough
As my mind wandered why life was rough

And I thot if there were something more I cud do
To make this life a little better to view

And a thought sprung from nowhere but deep
A call of an action and leap

To nudge this person why he never came back
What was in me that didn’t match

So I finally emailed him on FB
And from there started a bitter sweet love story

lol! can such a sweet thing be anything harsh or evil? was my heart giving me wrong signals or was it a way to know life will keep throwing these stones at u... and u need to keep walking straight with the conviction... that never dies...

i still care for u... with all my heart i do and something in me says i always will beyond this world in the next and beyond... u r in my heart, which will be empty and hollow without u....