I dont know how i am as a sister, daughter or freind or even any role that i take... i never get a chance to know myself truly, cuz no one ever complains or tells me i am not good...
my parrents love me, making it hard for me to know if they love cuz i am their daughter or cuz i am good to them, i dont know if i add value to their life... cuz i never feel i go out of my way much to do things for them... i do wat naturally comes of me... and wat i deeply possibly feel for them...
same goes for everyone i meet... if i like u, if i dont like u, if i adore u, if i hate u, if i cant stand u... but if ull need me in bad times... i will do wat ever it takes...to get u out of it... but that doesnt mean i still like u... or will start falling for u... know when i decide i dont like u that fact remains, for it is based on soemthing u do or keep doing... and it will only change if u stop doing it... but i wont tell u... cuz then u can just try to act it out in case u want me to like u...
with all that thoughts and tendencies... all i can hope is that either i find someone i never feel mad at, or someone i love so damn well that i dont feel anything he does as a turn off... to get me thinking i am in a wrong deal because this thought is very dangerous... it makes me avoid u ignore u... be cold to u... and never care for u... until u do something to get me back ... which is a chance thing, as i dont beleive telling ppl how i want them to be... besides that it never works, its a proven fail strategy...
but as easy as i find myself liking and disliling girls and boys... the hard i find to be able to like someone consistently enuf to marry him and then consistently enuf to stick with him for the rest of my life... without having a bad face or miserable looks, like i am doing soemthing i wish i didnt had to do...
when i am married the only emotions i want to feel is i am happy, sad, hurt, hopeful, disappointed, unsure, scared, crazy, lively, cheerful, faltu, wise, freindly, supportive, understanding, clingy, optimistic, caring, responsible, ecstatic, but never miserable, feeling like being in a place i want to get out of... no never... cuz thats the only thing that makes me quit and move out... that is one place which is unbearable, impossible...
and that i feel he is one of my buddies i never care to call or talk cuz they dont have anything great to share... not are interested in wat i have to share...
i try to think of how to keep that interest and excitement and love and beauty in it no matter how long we are... and so its very natural of me to stop on any advise that is pertained on how to have a wonderful married life... and i got these beautiful advises which i cant wait to start living...
1- Write love letters to each other every day, telling the good things and bad things... and honest felt things, and questions, and likes and dislikes and appreciations...(you can have these letters as the romantic gifts to spice up ur everyday married life) (as a rule try to keep is as simple and small as possible and as meaning ful... I love u is better then a 2 page essay... and yes woman like to read more then men... so if u as a man will write a page or even 2 woman will love them... even if it tells us wat we do which u dont like... its helps us know how to be around u giving us a clear way to always be in ur heart...:)
2- try journaling with ur spouse
thats something of the same... but in this... u tell abt ur day and little things u noticed and want to bring to each others attention... small thinsg which one does which u feel abt like u were releived to find ur breakfast ready when u got up, so u didnt had to make it urself... or well other cute things which u do for each other...
3- sex is imp... and the more happy ur sex life is the more youthful, happy and exciting ur marriage will be... and for this to be good u need to be open to communication and be able to communicate in ways that improved it and not lessesns it... one fact which i will also agree on that we(woman) love be dominated by a right man... a man we trust and can give in to without fearing of being laughed or mocked or be taken for granted...
and for that woman need to perceive their man as someone supreme then her and rightly so... we arre able to trust and respect them and listen to them and obey them... and yet feel great abt that... when on the other hand we treat our guys with less respect, on the daily basis... and not treating them like God... we end up not being attracted to them... and lose the excitement and lust for them...
so its good to be comfortable and friendly with ur spoused and think of them as freinds... but its great to know when to switch into surrendering to them and let them please and be pleased by u...:)
if a girl loves a guy, she will be able to give him that for she knows how to get her man be the best one in the lot...she sees him in such high place that he juts becomes God... even when he is just a normal human... and its possible... of course by God i dont mean God... (i mean after God the most imp person) and he has to probve he is worthy of it... ifg he will be a loser and starts taking it ina wrong way a girl also knows how to get him down and never to let him rise again...:)
Later...
I really admire your optimism, but I have to give you a realistic outlook to all of this.
ReplyDeleteIt's impossible to find someone who will be perfect for you. Mistakes happen, and there are some days you're going to be upset because a fight happened. A couple of arguments are a part of a normal, healthy relationship. Disagreements give both people a chance to improve themselves.
Even though they are emotional as well, men don't like showing their feelings. I'm not sure if the love letters and journaling will work out. But I'm pretty sure the sexual part will. -_-
The only time my parents exchanged love letters was when my dad was in Japan and my mom was in America. My mom lived three years by herself with her brothers here after she got married.
If you do find a good man, chances are the in-laws will give you a hard time. So you should expect some complications.
I don't think you should treat your husband like he's higher than you; instead give him the respect he deserves. Fulfill his reasonable needs. I'm not a feminist, but I don't believe that a woman should obey EVERYTHING her husband says, especially if he's telling her to do something anti-religious. You have to stand up for justice sometimes.
If I were you, I would enjoy my single life as long as it lasts. I don't know if your parents are happy with each other or not, but my parents pretty much hate each other and several of my Pakistani friends have had the same kind of problems as the ones in my family.
My parrents love each other and cannot think life away from each other... but my father loved my mom more and she was the one who took it for granted... always finding reasons away from him to fill her up first it was us 4 and then it was her family... i cud always see abbu was last of the thing to strike, other then ofcourse ensuring he is well fed, doing all he desired... but that ur heart reaches out for him every now and then, no! she was way too critical of him...and in laws can be trouble only if u look them like a danger... i met a person... who made me listen to his parrents once... and from that day onward i had felt a kind of love for him and them i cant explain...we are not talking anymore but i still feel they are as much my parrents as his... and if we ever come together chances are i will have a great bonding with them, cuz i cant give myself another option... of not havinga great relation with my inlaws... they are going to be my parrents once i marry... more close to me then my own... and it means, i will may be discuss my problems with them more then my own parrents... for i know my life from there on is for them not for my parrents.... also supremacy of man cannot be denied, its in islam, but it doesnt mean it shud give him or gives him the unjust ruler state... but a woman was born to obey her husband,one she choses based on her own choice and intelligence... if u chose a good husband u can freely let go of ur position and let him reign u, he will suprrise u then, if u are open to it that is... its like when u chose an MBA course... u dont make ur own outlines there... either u dont chose or u follow wat comes with it... he never asked u to marry on gun... u came with ur own mind and heart... to give him that status and now when he has it why fear or distrust him... incase he is against ur religion... then may be u married someone out of ur own faith... in that case all i can say u made a wrong choice or a not so great choice and wat comes with it u need to take ur responsibility... for me if i chose a guy who doesnt beleive in things abt religion like i do... then he shud be a no, no matter how ayttracted, tempted i am... in long term and if u are truly a religious person... u somehow make decision only based on ur faith not on where on the worldly scale he stands...i know its tough to stand for all ur grounds ... and get a great solution, but we need to have the criteria, dunya ya deen and if dunya only deen will have to be sacrifices... and if deen only dunya will have to told bye to... and if both... compromise must happen... to leave one golden rule of religion to get one golden luxury of the world...:) and pray to god to forgive us since we keep making sins... by marriage was made to love the two like one... anything that fails it is the weaknesses of the man and woman going into it not that the institution has flaws...:) my best couple examples are Rasuls daughter and Ali... (they actually tried helping us know how a couple is supposed to act...) if u really see her and him in their role... and wud like to follow.... u will be short on many of her attributes, hence expecting a person like Ali to couple with u automatically decreases... i am not in that realm either but thats the only cuple who makes me have faith in this beautiful bond and i pray every day to show me a glimpse of a wonder ful relation in my onw marriage so my kids cannot doubt it like i did...
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