I dont have my passport in hand yet... but tomorrow i am supposed to be heading for india... yup... its by bus travel... and we are a group of ppl... all bohris... but no one i know or have ever met before... so i dont know wat to expect from the crowd..:) i hope i meet some sweet ppl who make the trip a smoother more happier one...
Finally!!!! this trip i had wished since childhood
I wont be travelling with them all along... for all i needed them was to get me the visa... and then i will be on my own...and will be spending more of my days infact all of them possibly in bombay, for the mission wont leave me room to travel further or experience more... this time its two imp tasks at hand... and i cannot leave the place without accomplishing them both... but doing it alone scares me... but then i cant see anyone else wanting to do the same...and i hate the idea of having someone dragged along... through out the trip only doing wat i want... i can ask that from myself only... to go with my plan... and only focus on wat i am focussing...:) even if i had a hubby... i can know i wud have freaked him out... so i am glad i am single and on my own... somethings are meant to be done alone... as no one can dare support u or care for wat u want... :)
i do fear it all wont be that easy... and though i am pressed i wont be back without doing them... i dont know how much fate is going to help me in this...and whether god thinks my obsession is just and sincere... for if its not... i dont think God will let me...have ... a little focus and deservingness i lose and i am gone... no cookies for me... and how can i ensure my deserving of these two things...other then wat i was like this past few months......
and yes i want answers to my lifes most pressing questions... and its hard for me to open up without fearing being mocked up or sidelined... i want to be heard to be helped to be guided... i need someone to chalk out my life for me... now that i cannot do it myself... and who is better then him to do that... but am i ready to do wat he will ask of me... am i ready yet to walk that path in actual not in imagination, where everything is piece of cake...
wat wud u say to someone who is willing to make a billion dollar, but who has been scared of taking risks, risking her safety and life to walk out of her comfort zone... silly right... at times i feel i am being that unreasonable... and adamant...
but i am walking out of my home all the way to their city...and i trust i will find him... i will get my intentions... i shall get this chance i need... and i wish it isnt the last one... that i have many moreeeeeeees!
one more thing...none of my family in india knows abt these plans... and i cant really see any of them willing to let me lose and move alone around....they wont be able to accompany me, nor encourage me to be on my own... they will make sure i end up being with them, staying home or simply show me around to places they can...
they will probably scare me to give up on these two missions thinking its impossible for a girl to do wat i am planning for... for once i wish i was a man... who cud fight the bad ppl, move around without worrying of being raped, or kidnapped, or harassed, or stared or followed...:( tats the only thing that makes me not venture into places, i am not sure of...
I have heard though india is safe...how much i will have to experience on my own...scared a bit, which makes my excitement go down and down...
but nothing shud stop me... as i may not be getting another golden chance like this once again... in a long long time...!:)
need ur prayers and wishes....
If i go tomorrow will be back in 20 - 30 days...insha allah!
My God be with me on every step of my way and protect me!:) and help me do the right things and meet the right ppl!
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