Thursday, July 14, 2011

Free Me

You gave me birth, but not self esteem
You gave me food, but not how to survive on my own
you hid me in your chunri so no one cud hurt me
But you took away my strength and courage

I asked for freedom, you said its danger outside
I asked for wat to do, you said get married
I asked who i shud , you said how can i know
i asked i need to be on my own, you said u will break my heart

I went out one day, left the cell at home
I thought u might be worried then i wished u wud learn to trust God
I came back late but not a lot, i saw anger in ur eyes
u didnt say a word and went upstairs and cried

Next day u cried with me, telling i dont care for u
I said i do, but wud u simply trust God a little more then just ur mind
you said u cant be brave and powerful
i said, i want u to be, for i cant have a weak mother anymore

i said it out and felt sad too,
was i really becoming uncaring and arrogant too
or was i right in demanding, ppl to let me be brave
and for them to be brave too, to live fully and not with a weak heart

I hurt with my confessions, but i cannot lie anymore
i want to hear ppl telling me to do it, not making me sit at home and do nothing
i am tired of being chained by worried and fears and concerns
i wish for a family that backs me to lay my life then protect it for them to watch me grow old and die with an empty heart and soul

I know when she will read this... she will feel bad abt herself
but she wont ever understand wat i am asking of her ...

i am quiet and i cry, i feel helpless and caged,

cant hurt her and so i must get hurt, i must give up my dreams... and live with her all my that she doesnt get a heart ache... no matter how my heart keeps dying inside... for my mom doenst deserve it...

she tell me my tears make her cry
and i cant cry in front of her...

but does that mean i am happy
but as long as i dont cry in front of her and watch tv with her... she thinks my life is in order...

No its not Mom,. its not for i deserve to be with him... why cant u in ur heart see it as a happy u me and him... why u see an unhappy u why?

how can i change this image in ur mind so that i cud be free of ur hold on me...

to hurt u is not my intention... to pamper u, i cant ...

for i never wanted ur pampering but some faith in wat Gods asking... of u...

I love u but does the above show it? i dont know... but this is me...

1 comment:

  1. truyl beautifully expressed..:)...dont worry there always some light at the end of the tunnel...:)
    em ur new follower btw...follw bk:)