Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sometimes when i listen to myself talking to you... i then feel more understanding of her and what she did when she made that call... we are frustrated by what u did and how things are... and we dont know how to get ourselves out of u nor back with u...

and i cannot in that moment decide why i shud deserve to be with u more then her or expect from u wat she cudnt get...

Though i know a lot of her choices were wrong in terms of dealing with u ... but a lot of ur choice were wrong too and so were mine... and if we all are wrong then why anyone of us think we dont deserve wat we have got ourselves into...

at times when i imagine me and u being happy and fulfilled in life while she struggles alone i cannot feel sorry and want to switch places... but when she comes and i find u both struggling and unhappy... while i myself not having a place to be... i dont know which of the two stories should really become the reality...

and then i try to imagine you and her soemhow making it happy together... and real happy or atleast enuf happy for u to never look back or wonder wat it cud be if u were with me... totally oblivion of me... then i am unsure who to place myself with... for i know... the way i was with u... i am with u... i cant be with anyone... how can i find another u for me...if only i cud i wud surely be able to do away with u... but noone but u... i used to think may be i can get myself hooked on to SK... but i know how u wud label me... my love was sellable...

it was u who wronged me... all the way it was u... but how easily u make me feel bad by telling it was me who didnt know a thing abt being true and loving u...

i know i know... i can bet over ur and my life... never will u be able to say this one thing abt me...

"she didnt love me right... and she wasnt there when i needed her the most"... cuz u wud have to be a man without a heart to be able to say it... and i know whether u have anything or not u do have a twisted, but beautiful heart... the heart that made me fall in love with u... the heart that i made my home the day i laid my eyes on u and heard u smile...:) and the heart i vowed to protect till the end of my life... and i am still true to that promise... for isn't this ordeal to weaken my resolve...

sometimes i feel may be i will one day back down... sometimes i feel i am being asked by God to back down, to give up to let go... and sometimes i feel it is ok to back down.. and so i feel may be i will... but my heart can marry someone but that u will ever be out of my heart... that i wudnt care wat happens to u... or if u r ok.... someone has to kill me to stop me from that... even my hubby... will know that when its u in question even he cannot say a word... now where will i find that hubby... not sure... and wonder why he will want to deal with me... only if God has a plan... then well miracles can always happen... cant they...but why wud i need someone to be with me when its u i wanted there more then anyone...but then future will unfold it... juts like one of those novels u read... is it ok to feel happy to see my life was a real love story too...:) at times i am more happy to have a love story then to know whether i got u in the end or not... for love is imp... not the ending...

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