i sometimes imagine you calling me and the conversation it would be.
It goes something like
You: hi ....
You: How are you
Me: good you
Y: i am good too.
i awaiting you to say something in your justifcation to take the pain and hurt and disappointment away
and you in a hope that i will say something which will end the drifts and distances between us collapse...
deep down we both know the drift is so long and deep and huge that unless we are madly deeply in love only then we can help it melt away.
and then i ask to myself Are we?
and there is but silence
I vowed somewhere in the middle to never stop loving you and ever replacing your pic with someone else... to never be so away and thoughtless as to not have a thought of u ... and so forth i have been successful... people come and go like waves, and i in a moment am filled in awe of what i am seeing and feeling but they all leave for the shores they are meant for... and i am left with a sense of lovelessness as i feel you not making my heart beat like you used to...that i dont even feel i will jump when i will see you in person... that i wont even feel like my breath is coming in gasps... or that i will feel a sudden rush of passion to make me run into your arms like i have reunited with myself after we were painfully kept away from eachother against our wills and time and world couldnt keep us away any further...
Cuz in this moment my heart is filled with ideas, words, thoughts, and beauty of another kind, one that i thought i never would have imagined with you on my mind 24/ 7.
now that as if i was asked to make other things my centre of attention, i am fearfully understanding that i was wrong when i said nothing in this world made me feel more good than being by your side...
I don't think it will be true... and i cant even say, that i miss being held by you or kissed or talked tenderly more then i enjoy being around the kids, wanting them to dream, create and build a life which soar them to everything they set their eyes on...without ever have to face what you and i faced.... the devil of low self esteem...
I Love you... but not like i used to ...
Mujh se pehli si mohabbat merey mehboob na maang...:(
and since i cant give you that, i wonder why you would want to ever be with me? what for?