Monday, May 23, 2011

i understand but i cant stop wishing:) i simply cant

Somethings our heart wants, or desires or awaits or is hooked up on, even when the mind so surely think its not possible and we shud just move on... and not pain ourselves so... but we simply cant stop...

sometimes the pain frustrates us, sometimes blinds us, sometimes make us cry and complain, and get mad, sometimes it just makes us want to get ourselves killed, but never does it leave us... nor we leave it...

And when i have these moments... yes moments only can be heavy on days and months... and that is why i am so glad i only have these momentarily phases where i am wore down to such a level that life almost ends for me...tomorrow is my B'Day:) will be 32... not afraid...of my age... nor the fact i wont always look this pretty... but i know we all have to face this devil and as long as i am loving someone, being loved by someone ... and understanding my purpose here is not just to vent on moving age, or cry for not being married or with u... but its something much more grander then that so long ... i will not grow weary in my heart... but today i am really down...

tomorrow... i am going to have a party, we will cut the cake... for Gulab... and all those who want it to be their b'day... if i can make him smile once more my life will be so blessed...

i fail to make him smile...may be cuz i am too bothered just enjoying him...unable to do anything worried too much for making a bad scene...

tomorrow i will make up for today... tomorrow his smile will make me happy once again... and i will feel my young happy self...:)

i am only 32... i have 30 more yrs to go before old age may hit me... but sometimes even a day is like a million yrs...i wish i cud hate u... so may be i cud love someone else...:)

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