Spotted him instantly like a rose in flowers, stood out to my eyes like no other and i was hooked to him.
He is someones son, and sibbling, but for me he is God send for me to love and protect.
Such is a pleasure to watch him that i find behanas to go to his class juts to catch a glimpse and my heart misses a beat when i dont see him there.
Not to mention my only reason to come to school is to catch a glimpse of him, and like a knight protect him from any mishap, which cud ensure his soft and beautiful heart to get a dent, which can change him into one like them...
I dont remember to pray for him, wondering if these feelings make any sense. And if God really approves of all this.
But this once i am not going to let any reason make me want to keep my heart from letting the love show even if every one else freaks out. As long as i dont make him uncomfortable.
So when i spotted him today, well i went to search for him:) i know guilty of that and will always be, i found him standing alone, watching with mixed emotions kids all around him trying may be to stay out of trouble or getting a blow, which kids usually in fun can give him, and he being such a delicate baby, formost fears being hurt physically.
He saw me, and though i wanted to wave excitingly, which is something i never ever do... i wonder why, for me placid joy in watching him from far without stirring anything, that he himself dont want to change, is it. I dont beleive in display of my deep emotions by using gestures which cannot jutify my feelings and thoughts not dont come naturally, and from within...
I didnt had a reason to follow him or wave to him, and no subject for me to have a talk. I didnt wanted to be that one obsessed woman. But isnt that wat i am. only that i am not in anyway wanting to capture him, juts to protect him, and more of the substance and heart and soul that enbeds in this body, none the less, his innocent face and every part is dear to me like my own flesh and blood.
I love him. and i wish to always.
But who knows in later years i will find this love dying as it has for that one girl, i believe i liked in school times, and now i dont have any feelings for her at all.
But with her it was different. Although i found my heart tugged to her, the sensation was very different then now.
May be with time and as my faith has improved, i have learned to love with more meaning and worth and sensibility.
But this kid knows nothing abt this. Although he is small, and not really told in particular how to behave and wat to think or do ... he does have a mind which takes clue from his encironment, keeps himself away from harm, even the slightest, finds the most harmless pleasures to be the only reason to please him and i find in him a glimpse of may be wat i was.
Someone who was always busy in her own thoughts and world. someone who was way to sensitve for being labelled or punished, who felt that the world is out to get u and to stay from trouble u need to be as innocent as possible... something which gave me a lot of pain, but was worth it. and although i never came across a person who was there just to understand and be there...i wish to be there for him.
Who knows there was a kind soul too who was looking for me, who i never cud understand or entrust myself on. Yet one who never got tired watching over me. But hey if i think i am so kind and so watch ful, why i beleive the creator wont be.
so i pray that as long as i am around the school, able to be around him, i am always there to help him from any potential danger that is harmful to his happiness and self esteem, and peace:) Yes Allah Peace, for ii wud always want him to find a reason to smile, and be grateful and happy and remain to be his innocent self. :)