OK!!!
I know this may interest none of u... but i still wanted to dedicate this one post to my love, my only love when it comes to a woman....:)
Madhuri Dixit...
I was mere a teenage when i fell in love with her... She was a goddess for me... i idolised her, i almost worshipped her.No wonder when u keep such high standards for urself... u r not to get impressed with anything less... and yes, i wont lie if i say... i havent met a woman that cud surpass her... not even my MOM!
and my mom knows it... and it hurts me when she feels hurt...But being an honest person... even to keep her heart i cudnt say it.... and my Mom had no other option but to except this bitter truth... that for her daughter in woman category she will always be number 2.:)
What i can tell abt this lady... whether its Tezaab, Khal Nayak, Sajan, or Hum apke hain kon... this woman rules my heart and wud keep doing so till the day i die...
I have studied her, followed her, and i ahve wanted to be like her... i secretly wish to be born in her household next time...:) and i remember... when i was younger... and feared a lot to die... my fear of death only was heightened by the fac... i wont be able to ever watch her movies...:( to never see her dance and act and show me the love... i dont see anywhere in the world but in her movies...
So Madhuri Dixit/ Nene....I am blessed to have known u, watched u... and seen in u something i never saw anywhere else... you are a creation i cant ever have enuf of...:)
You are the ultimate woman...and if all woman were like u... this world had been surely been the most gorgeous place to be...:)
And its my deepest desire to spend a moment with u... i know it wud be like... when u watch an airplane in the air... the awe it creates in u... is never the same when u sit in one...
for me to be that close to u... wud mean something like that... so i wud like to be this far and keep revering u...:)
Love u for being u...
May the sunshine of ur smile never fades, the beauty and ur grace enhance with time... and may u keep giving me an example of how i shud be as i keep growing...:)
your greatest FAN ever!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
You are my Only Song!
you are the only song i listen to subah shaam... . the feelings u get into me are too good to let go and not feel every going day...u r my heavenly mood drifting happiness generating soothing partying, bringing a wide smile on my face song... and i love u more then anything else right now... but hear u until i can be all that without u! which is next to impossible!:) so i am sorry for playing u like crazy and for all those who think they have had enuf of u... word! u bear me... u bear all that i love period!:)
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Joyful Pakistan
its a joyful experience to buys things from good looking principled, respectful, shy smiled non bargaining pathans...:) if they like u they offer to drop the stuff to ur car happily.. if they are pissed at u... they will be as rude as they can get. if after a five minute pursuation they only let go of ten Rs... i think... i will stop bargaining... to save myself extra energy lost... i so hate bargaining... mehengai hai... but i know they dont keep to themselves as much as the high end consumer shops do... when we give those luteras the price... who are we to question and manipulate these masoom pathans who are happy as a lark... even in the mid of the heat and having only enuf to get by!:) Jiyey Pathan bhai... Jiyey Pakistan!
Is this love?
i want to see you every day of my life every moment of the day and night!:) every sec of every minute i breathe:) and i know i will never be bored! like a mother who never grows bored of her kids like a hunger that never grows bored of the food... like a thirst that never grows bored of the drink... like a child that never grows old of the fun and games and laughters:)
Strange Call
So i was watching my favorite movie Dil Starring Madhuri and Amir Khan when i got a call from a number... i didnt recognize...
i picked it up... and there on the other line was a sweet sophisticated voice of a young man, and before he cud say more i realized it was 11: 25 pm...
i cut the call... focusing on the words and the sound of the voice...
he messaged me... saying he is the same person... who was messaging me 4=5 months back... and all he wants is to talk like a friend... and he is not interested in me... but wants some advise on a relationship problem...
and i like a girl who wanted to help someone... agreed to message back... and then he called... telling me the whole story and a detailed snapshot of the 5 yrs story with a Girl who was 15 when they met and now is 20 ... and this boy is off mere age 23.
I listened... because he resembled someone i had known with similar problem... and i cud sense the same tones and things...
I dont know why?
But i felt as if God wanted me to know something here...
A person who has closed herself to everyone... who would never indulge with ppl... picks an unknown call from a person who only sounded nice on the ph... makes me realise how easy it is for me to lend an ear to someone... and talk to someone... care for someone and then get hooked on to someone...
And all this while waiting for the man i cud eventually marry and have a beautiful blessed family life with...
All come except him... and i wonder why?
This person is struggling with himself for breaking up with a Girl who he loves but cant trust or be happy with... he needs that guard which will stop him from reaching out and doing wats not right...
We all at times... want this kind of support where we need someone to pull us back when we are going in the wrong direction...which allures us tempts us... and excites us... but is totally wrong for us
And although i find it hard... i am glad for an opportunity to help a young guy to find his sanity back.. but...
a woman who herself is insane in love... how can she offer sanity to a falling man...
Only a sane and strong woman can support a falling man... and only a strong and steady man can support a falling woman.:)
and that too if they are committed to the job an unfailing commitment it takes!
i picked it up... and there on the other line was a sweet sophisticated voice of a young man, and before he cud say more i realized it was 11: 25 pm...
i cut the call... focusing on the words and the sound of the voice...
he messaged me... saying he is the same person... who was messaging me 4=5 months back... and all he wants is to talk like a friend... and he is not interested in me... but wants some advise on a relationship problem...
and i like a girl who wanted to help someone... agreed to message back... and then he called... telling me the whole story and a detailed snapshot of the 5 yrs story with a Girl who was 15 when they met and now is 20 ... and this boy is off mere age 23.
I listened... because he resembled someone i had known with similar problem... and i cud sense the same tones and things...
I dont know why?
But i felt as if God wanted me to know something here...
A person who has closed herself to everyone... who would never indulge with ppl... picks an unknown call from a person who only sounded nice on the ph... makes me realise how easy it is for me to lend an ear to someone... and talk to someone... care for someone and then get hooked on to someone...
And all this while waiting for the man i cud eventually marry and have a beautiful blessed family life with...
All come except him... and i wonder why?
This person is struggling with himself for breaking up with a Girl who he loves but cant trust or be happy with... he needs that guard which will stop him from reaching out and doing wats not right...
We all at times... want this kind of support where we need someone to pull us back when we are going in the wrong direction...which allures us tempts us... and excites us... but is totally wrong for us
And although i find it hard... i am glad for an opportunity to help a young guy to find his sanity back.. but...
a woman who herself is insane in love... how can she offer sanity to a falling man...
Only a sane and strong woman can support a falling man... and only a strong and steady man can support a falling woman.:)
and that too if they are committed to the job an unfailing commitment it takes!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Love Me Tight and Never Let Go
Life is beautiful when u love someone but its 100 times better if the person u love loves u back, needs u in their life and holds u in their world just like u hold him/her in urs!:) not at a distance but closer then breath!
Of Ribs and Cages!
they say a woman is made from her mans rib... but if she married more then one man in her life... does that means she is born from the ribs of more then one man? like when she gets divorced or her husband dies... or is it since a man can have more then one rib... i mean woman... a woman can also have more then one ribcage... i mean man? and those who never marry... her man never existed or she refused to be in a cage!
Its a new Day!
Today i start my life as a new born baby... with nothing engraved on her heart! its a clean sheet which i will fill with what i love the most... not what i was told i must love in order to win in this life and here after!
Friday, February 17, 2012
God
I know he is one! And wat ever name u give him... its the same we are referring to...
If this is one world... then he is the Creator... who whether we bow to or not... He will be the creator
If we will bow and love and worship and place our trusts in Him... He will reward us with a life of his beloved creation and if we dont... he will disgrace and make life a hell.
I know that much...i beleive it... and cannot deny it...
He is just! But he is not just the way we want him to be just.
I wanted to ask him, why he choses not to answer the plea of a your girl being raped, or abducted without her will?
I wanted to ask him, why he chose not to grant the mother with a kid when she pleads to give birth
I wanted to ask why he doesnt send a decent men or a men the women can say yes to and fine the reason to live her life then feel unloved and lose hope and vigor to move on
i wanted to ask why he chose to have the innocent killed and the evil hands to rule the world and make decisions that effect lives of those who have no say...
I wanted to ask why he never gives wat we want when we need it the most and when the need for it is no more we are granted it
i wanted to ask why he stretches us to a limit where we fail and give up on wat ever little faith we were able to have
I wanted to ask why he makes us choose the paths which are not to work out for us... and never ever tells us wat he wants so that we dont ever deem to think for ourselves and to the thing he wants from the very beginning
I wanted to ask what he wants from me and why he gave me this life... if all he wanted to see me was to be disgraced and lose every tiny bit of desire to live and breathe...
why does he hate me so much as to make me
Why was it not enuf that he wud have not made one soul who is lost who doesnt even have a desire to be found... who just wants to lose herself in the nothingness vanish in the air... like it was never there... to neither hate nor love... to neither need nor have... neither lose nor care... neither feel hunger nor cry to be fed... neither feel thirsty and die of thirst every day before she dies... who neither is born to die...
was it just to let us all know who to bow and live under... i know it was to just make urself known...
Dont u ever forgive me... cuz i dont love u! i only need you... cuz i have needs which need to be fulfilled... once i wont have needs i wont care for u... will i?
If this is one world... then he is the Creator... who whether we bow to or not... He will be the creator
If we will bow and love and worship and place our trusts in Him... He will reward us with a life of his beloved creation and if we dont... he will disgrace and make life a hell.
I know that much...i beleive it... and cannot deny it...
He is just! But he is not just the way we want him to be just.
I wanted to ask him, why he choses not to answer the plea of a your girl being raped, or abducted without her will?
I wanted to ask him, why he chose not to grant the mother with a kid when she pleads to give birth
I wanted to ask why he doesnt send a decent men or a men the women can say yes to and fine the reason to live her life then feel unloved and lose hope and vigor to move on
i wanted to ask why he chose to have the innocent killed and the evil hands to rule the world and make decisions that effect lives of those who have no say...
I wanted to ask why he never gives wat we want when we need it the most and when the need for it is no more we are granted it
i wanted to ask why he stretches us to a limit where we fail and give up on wat ever little faith we were able to have
I wanted to ask why he makes us choose the paths which are not to work out for us... and never ever tells us wat he wants so that we dont ever deem to think for ourselves and to the thing he wants from the very beginning
I wanted to ask what he wants from me and why he gave me this life... if all he wanted to see me was to be disgraced and lose every tiny bit of desire to live and breathe...
why does he hate me so much as to make me
Why was it not enuf that he wud have not made one soul who is lost who doesnt even have a desire to be found... who just wants to lose herself in the nothingness vanish in the air... like it was never there... to neither hate nor love... to neither need nor have... neither lose nor care... neither feel hunger nor cry to be fed... neither feel thirsty and die of thirst every day before she dies... who neither is born to die...
was it just to let us all know who to bow and live under... i know it was to just make urself known...
Dont u ever forgive me... cuz i dont love u! i only need you... cuz i have needs which need to be fulfilled... once i wont have needs i wont care for u... will i?
Monday, February 13, 2012
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Will This Do?
Refresher!
Posting a song (just a little bit) sung in my voice...
Await feedbacks... and if you know someone who can use this voice... keep me in mind...:)
waiting to hear your kind feedbacks:)
here you go
Posting a song (just a little bit) sung in my voice...
Await feedbacks... and if you know someone who can use this voice... keep me in mind...:)
waiting to hear your kind feedbacks:)
here you go
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Whitney Houstong Dies:(((
A sweet pang is there to know this... and to understand its mysery as i dig in to remember the moments and songs she gave us... the time i spend in my teen years singing her songs... being in awe of her beautiful voice and words...
and songs i will cherish for years to come...
She was a beautiful women with extraordinary voice... which cud wake u from dead!
If you dont know who she is the songs below will give u her intro. If you havent watched her movie Body Guard, starring ehrself and Kevin costner i recommend u all see that!
I wish her peace and love:)
God bless her Soul
Two of my favorite numbers of hers
and songs i will cherish for years to come...
She was a beautiful women with extraordinary voice... which cud wake u from dead!
If you dont know who she is the songs below will give u her intro. If you havent watched her movie Body Guard, starring ehrself and Kevin costner i recommend u all see that!
I wish her peace and love:)
God bless her Soul
Two of my favorite numbers of hers
Friday, February 10, 2012
Psyc Help
So finally i go see the Psychiatrist...
And he is a good looking well composed nice to talk to individual...
He listened and inquired and asked question to made me think...and i felt can i have a crush on him...
Actually i can...but he has a cute manager... so i am confused...:)
I told him my desire to meet Salman Khan... to which he said u think its possible... and i said yes... its highly possible... i am not surprised ur reactions not being one inch different then my parrents except u r more relaxed and calmed... and poised in stating ur concerns... they are a little u know... how parrents and siblings can be...
but
over all not a bad meeting... but yes...while i was talking... suddenly i started paying attention to my hands movement which was pretty awkward... and i forgot wat i was talking so... i just mumbled words... in order for him to know i know wat i am talking... but seriously i had completely forgotten wat i was talking abt... and then i just came to a halt...
so yes it happens... when u start looking at urself and wat u are doing that is amusing...
like my hands seem to have a mind of their own... infact everything in me has a mind of its own...
i am not disclosing names here of the psychiatrist.... he has asked me to join psychotherapy... where he will help me find wat i really want from my life... and how to go abt it...:)
since killing myself isnt that great idea...
i told him if i cud just get to be around salman khan more often... i wud never think of dying... and if he can help me with that... my money will be well used...
may be in the next session i will try bribe him... wats the point of making a new agenda when u already have one...
Right...
I dont think marriage is in my cards... for marriage u need to be in love with one guy... i kind of like every cute guy i come across... and i dont beleive in being judgemental... if i am happy to see u... u have the potential to have my attention and care...no matter if u r in thousands and millions...
u all deserve to be with me...
so in the equation of marriage... this clause is not possible... i need to discuss this with him too...
if he is strong enuf to not go mad... and become one who needs psychiatric help...:)
hope u all are doing better then me...
at times i dont see my being in this world... i mean... merey hissay ka khana pani... hawa... care kisi aur ke kaam bhi to asekti hai...iitney keroron logo mein ik mein na hoti... to kisi ka kya jata...
makes sense no?
Peta nahi when will he understand... and stop making pieces like me even for fun...its not funny anymore...may be ill be a good subject for future movie makers... a girl who cudnt understand her reason to be alive and never ever lived... before she died:)
God (the one i am mad with) bless u all... for he just has a problem with me... and i have a major problem with him... and fight it is which i know i will lose... but then... i dont care wat happens to me... i need answers... justifications...and he has to give them to me... face to face before i will accept any thing.
take care folks...i wish u happiness and love... loads of it!
And he is a good looking well composed nice to talk to individual...
He listened and inquired and asked question to made me think...and i felt can i have a crush on him...
Actually i can...but he has a cute manager... so i am confused...:)
I told him my desire to meet Salman Khan... to which he said u think its possible... and i said yes... its highly possible... i am not surprised ur reactions not being one inch different then my parrents except u r more relaxed and calmed... and poised in stating ur concerns... they are a little u know... how parrents and siblings can be...
but
over all not a bad meeting... but yes...while i was talking... suddenly i started paying attention to my hands movement which was pretty awkward... and i forgot wat i was talking so... i just mumbled words... in order for him to know i know wat i am talking... but seriously i had completely forgotten wat i was talking abt... and then i just came to a halt...
so yes it happens... when u start looking at urself and wat u are doing that is amusing...
like my hands seem to have a mind of their own... infact everything in me has a mind of its own...
i am not disclosing names here of the psychiatrist.... he has asked me to join psychotherapy... where he will help me find wat i really want from my life... and how to go abt it...:)
since killing myself isnt that great idea...
i told him if i cud just get to be around salman khan more often... i wud never think of dying... and if he can help me with that... my money will be well used...
may be in the next session i will try bribe him... wats the point of making a new agenda when u already have one...
Right...
I dont think marriage is in my cards... for marriage u need to be in love with one guy... i kind of like every cute guy i come across... and i dont beleive in being judgemental... if i am happy to see u... u have the potential to have my attention and care...no matter if u r in thousands and millions...
u all deserve to be with me...
so in the equation of marriage... this clause is not possible... i need to discuss this with him too...
if he is strong enuf to not go mad... and become one who needs psychiatric help...:)
hope u all are doing better then me...
at times i dont see my being in this world... i mean... merey hissay ka khana pani... hawa... care kisi aur ke kaam bhi to asekti hai...iitney keroron logo mein ik mein na hoti... to kisi ka kya jata...
makes sense no?
Peta nahi when will he understand... and stop making pieces like me even for fun...its not funny anymore...may be ill be a good subject for future movie makers... a girl who cudnt understand her reason to be alive and never ever lived... before she died:)
God (the one i am mad with) bless u all... for he just has a problem with me... and i have a major problem with him... and fight it is which i know i will lose... but then... i dont care wat happens to me... i need answers... justifications...and he has to give them to me... face to face before i will accept any thing.
take care folks...i wish u happiness and love... loads of it!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
What Happened to my dreams?
I just came burrying the last one... with tearful eyes... that never wanted to lose its sight... but such is death... it doesnt listen to ur pleas or watches ur tears...
But so much as i wanted to bury myself beside them... it wasn't allowed.
And so i screamed, i begged, i cried, i yelled, i blamed, i cursed as my loved ones pulled me, in the moment knowing nothing but this... she will survive it just like we all did...she will grow out of this pain... and one day she will be back to her smiling cheerful self... like nothing happened...
But they were wrong...
Its been a year now... and i continue my lifeless existence...hopless, dreamless, with no will to live beyond today... but life knows how to keep me dragging... there are probably years of pain i need to suffer before i will be eligible to the death bed... no matter if my bones, and will and strength gives up...
Now there are just few colors of life that make me smile before the wound catches my attention once again...
And i realise if it were not for these few companions that understood me so well... the words and symphonies that hold me as i hear them and lose myself in their softness, sweetness and wisdom...survival would have been impossible, painful and treacherous...
I dont beleive anymore in anything...Not God, Not love, Not family, not freinds, not my voice and wat it cud bring to me and not my heart or mind of soul...
All i beleive in is destruction, which is the destiny of this world...of the hopes, of the dreams, of the plans, of the homes, of the faith...
As i move in this faithless, smileless state ... i only bring out words that rob more of u out there of wat they want to hold on to...
I still know wat wud bring me a smile... His coming back, and embracing me in his loving arms... or seeing his smile or hearing his laugh... or even his scoldings... i so know it will bring it all back..,
But i then in that instant realise... this voice scolding me... You are happy seeing one man... and you are not happy with God... the creator... you are oblivion of God and wat he can do or does... and yopu are so mesmerised by just one of his creations...
and i answer yes...
Even if you are God... i am not that happy having just you...I am happy only with some of ur creation... and if that makes u angry... then be angry... for i cant lie to u... i cant even care for u... or wat u think...
If u think i am not worth it... then take my life from me... just like u have taken the reason away... or you wud like to see me suffer... to show me u are the one mighty and without ur command nothing happens... then fine... i am ready to suffer...
You are God, and i have no wish to prove i am stronger then u... i am not... i am just a girl who likes wat she likes... and who cannot like wat she doesnt... no matter how imp it is for her life and survival...
But if you ever loved me... or are capable of loving me... kill me before i make u angrier then i already have...
Take me away to where u have burried my dreams... take me where u have taken my life... and let me be with them... for wat i wud want to do with eternity with nothing worth loving!
But so much as i wanted to bury myself beside them... it wasn't allowed.
And so i screamed, i begged, i cried, i yelled, i blamed, i cursed as my loved ones pulled me, in the moment knowing nothing but this... she will survive it just like we all did...she will grow out of this pain... and one day she will be back to her smiling cheerful self... like nothing happened...
But they were wrong...
Its been a year now... and i continue my lifeless existence...hopless, dreamless, with no will to live beyond today... but life knows how to keep me dragging... there are probably years of pain i need to suffer before i will be eligible to the death bed... no matter if my bones, and will and strength gives up...
Now there are just few colors of life that make me smile before the wound catches my attention once again...
And i realise if it were not for these few companions that understood me so well... the words and symphonies that hold me as i hear them and lose myself in their softness, sweetness and wisdom...survival would have been impossible, painful and treacherous...
I dont beleive anymore in anything...Not God, Not love, Not family, not freinds, not my voice and wat it cud bring to me and not my heart or mind of soul...
All i beleive in is destruction, which is the destiny of this world...of the hopes, of the dreams, of the plans, of the homes, of the faith...
As i move in this faithless, smileless state ... i only bring out words that rob more of u out there of wat they want to hold on to...
I still know wat wud bring me a smile... His coming back, and embracing me in his loving arms... or seeing his smile or hearing his laugh... or even his scoldings... i so know it will bring it all back..,
But i then in that instant realise... this voice scolding me... You are happy seeing one man... and you are not happy with God... the creator... you are oblivion of God and wat he can do or does... and yopu are so mesmerised by just one of his creations...
and i answer yes...
Even if you are God... i am not that happy having just you...I am happy only with some of ur creation... and if that makes u angry... then be angry... for i cant lie to u... i cant even care for u... or wat u think...
If u think i am not worth it... then take my life from me... just like u have taken the reason away... or you wud like to see me suffer... to show me u are the one mighty and without ur command nothing happens... then fine... i am ready to suffer...
You are God, and i have no wish to prove i am stronger then u... i am not... i am just a girl who likes wat she likes... and who cannot like wat she doesnt... no matter how imp it is for her life and survival...
But if you ever loved me... or are capable of loving me... kill me before i make u angrier then i already have...
Take me away to where u have burried my dreams... take me where u have taken my life... and let me be with them... for wat i wud want to do with eternity with nothing worth loving!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Promote Pakistan!
Pls Join and invite your friends to join too:)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Promote-Pakistan/187722494662020
Thank you!
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Promote-Pakistan/187722494662020
Thank you!
Promote Pakistan!
Pls Join and invite your friends to join too:)
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Promote-Pakistan/187722494662020
Thank you!
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Promote-Pakistan/187722494662020
Thank you!
Monday, February 6, 2012
Being Honest without a pride?
If you can help me here... it doesnt matter how young or old u r... if u r male or female, beleiver or non...
Sent from heaven or hell...
You help me i will be grateful to u... and though may not claim i will be just as much of help... i wud wish the right help comes to u whenever u need it.
This is a little personal... a little intimate..
I understand my followers are folks with good values and strong sense of right and wrong, who will understand the necessity of this post rather then use it as a subject of making fun.
My coming out doesnt mean all female folks feel this way... but i am very much a female... who is very much in touch with her feelings intutions, guts and needs and her instincts
I have been my soul researcher from the very sec i have come on the face of this earth...
I have been my own student and teacher, advisor, friend and enemy too...
I heard once and many a times... desires are men/ women worst enemy...
i never used to beleive it...
Desires are the sole reason to live and breathe in this world...
How can one find a person alive with no desire...
Look at me when i lose desire i lose my desire to live... i crave for death the very moment my heart stops desiring life, this world, or anything there is...
For past three days and a week i have came back from USA... i ahve not been the same...
Depression has got the best of me...
The reason is i fell in love too easily...and i cannot stop my feelings from showing off and making me its slave...
I cant punish myself for having them... but i feel bad abt myself and so i tend to hide myself behind the blanket...wanting these feelings to go away and stop making me feel vulnerable...
People give me advise to surround myself with work... but i know working alone wudnt do for me... and surrounding myself with folks... is not a good idea...
When you cant have faith and confidence on urself u feel vulnerable everywhere...
either u fear hurting someone or being hurt, robbed of peace of mind, cheerfulness and faith
I want to ask, if u tend to have feelings for more then one man, want to be with more then one man... not lose any of them, not give up any of them... get warmth and love from all of them... and joy on being with each one of them...how diffcilut it is to chose just one out of them.
They say a man is allowed to marry more then 1 woman and women in that case are not allowed to feel jealous or unhappy...I would like to have them all in my life every day...and if i ask them... if its ok...if i give them the permission to be with more then one woman... it shud be ok...
I cant put rules on them which i cant have on me...human nature is similar and must be respected for everyone...
I do understand there is no one man i am going to love for ever... and alone...
i do undertsand i wud only marry one if i know its ok for me to leave and find someone else when one or both of us isnt happy or totally committed to the partnership...
where the problem and pain comes from... the fact one finds someone better before the other... and the other is comfortable with whole thing not ready to give up that comfort...
and feels angered and pain...
But i am one of those who wants to stand for marrying one she loves and then being with him for the rest of her life... and he wanting the same...
But ill tell u...how islam looks at it...
Islam beleives in standing for only one entity... Allah
Giving up all p[romises and loves in the name of Allah
love of a man or woman comes after love of Allah, it can never supercede and if it does its wrong
Now i love to give msyelf peace and love, the warmth and intamacy of a soul as human as i am...so that i cud share my desires, my dreams my fears and my pains and have my human needs met...
When i see a couple cuddling each other, even when they are not married... oblivion of others... i am jealous and wish i cud have something like this...
But its p[rohbited in Islam to be close to a man before marriage...but its alright to walk out of the marriage if for any reason a harmonious togetherness is not possible...
But all those who dont want to get into the problems of ivorce, for them ideal soultion is to marry one they can ensure a harmonious happy togetherness for life...
I fear divorce, i fear to be away from someone i have given myself too... yes i do... but wat i fear even more is to die loveless, alone... without ever being as much as warmly hugged and cuddled... That paim supercedes any pain...i can ever be asked to bear...
and not cuddled by just anyone... by one i feel love for... this desire to mate and be loved by...
The need for human touch has become so strong that i feel my bones cracking and my life slowly being pumped out of me every single day... yet i know death isnt even near by...and i will be crushed slowly and wont die unless every breath of me has been used.
When death is bearable then life... living life is a test. a pain only those who know wat i feel can understand.
Being loveless is synonymous to being lifeless... i wish someone cud breath life into me... smile into me... hope into me... love into me... and faith into me... once again...or simply take away these breaths in one go and silence me...for ever!
Sent from heaven or hell...
You help me i will be grateful to u... and though may not claim i will be just as much of help... i wud wish the right help comes to u whenever u need it.
This is a little personal... a little intimate..
I understand my followers are folks with good values and strong sense of right and wrong, who will understand the necessity of this post rather then use it as a subject of making fun.
My coming out doesnt mean all female folks feel this way... but i am very much a female... who is very much in touch with her feelings intutions, guts and needs and her instincts
I have been my soul researcher from the very sec i have come on the face of this earth...
I have been my own student and teacher, advisor, friend and enemy too...
I heard once and many a times... desires are men/ women worst enemy...
i never used to beleive it...
Desires are the sole reason to live and breathe in this world...
How can one find a person alive with no desire...
Look at me when i lose desire i lose my desire to live... i crave for death the very moment my heart stops desiring life, this world, or anything there is...
For past three days and a week i have came back from USA... i ahve not been the same...
Depression has got the best of me...
The reason is i fell in love too easily...and i cannot stop my feelings from showing off and making me its slave...
I cant punish myself for having them... but i feel bad abt myself and so i tend to hide myself behind the blanket...wanting these feelings to go away and stop making me feel vulnerable...
People give me advise to surround myself with work... but i know working alone wudnt do for me... and surrounding myself with folks... is not a good idea...
When you cant have faith and confidence on urself u feel vulnerable everywhere...
either u fear hurting someone or being hurt, robbed of peace of mind, cheerfulness and faith
I want to ask, if u tend to have feelings for more then one man, want to be with more then one man... not lose any of them, not give up any of them... get warmth and love from all of them... and joy on being with each one of them...how diffcilut it is to chose just one out of them.
They say a man is allowed to marry more then 1 woman and women in that case are not allowed to feel jealous or unhappy...I would like to have them all in my life every day...and if i ask them... if its ok...if i give them the permission to be with more then one woman... it shud be ok...
I cant put rules on them which i cant have on me...human nature is similar and must be respected for everyone...
I do understand there is no one man i am going to love for ever... and alone...
i do undertsand i wud only marry one if i know its ok for me to leave and find someone else when one or both of us isnt happy or totally committed to the partnership...
where the problem and pain comes from... the fact one finds someone better before the other... and the other is comfortable with whole thing not ready to give up that comfort...
and feels angered and pain...
But i am one of those who wants to stand for marrying one she loves and then being with him for the rest of her life... and he wanting the same...
But ill tell u...how islam looks at it...
Islam beleives in standing for only one entity... Allah
Giving up all p[romises and loves in the name of Allah
love of a man or woman comes after love of Allah, it can never supercede and if it does its wrong
Now i love to give msyelf peace and love, the warmth and intamacy of a soul as human as i am...so that i cud share my desires, my dreams my fears and my pains and have my human needs met...
When i see a couple cuddling each other, even when they are not married... oblivion of others... i am jealous and wish i cud have something like this...
But its p[rohbited in Islam to be close to a man before marriage...but its alright to walk out of the marriage if for any reason a harmonious togetherness is not possible...
But all those who dont want to get into the problems of ivorce, for them ideal soultion is to marry one they can ensure a harmonious happy togetherness for life...
I fear divorce, i fear to be away from someone i have given myself too... yes i do... but wat i fear even more is to die loveless, alone... without ever being as much as warmly hugged and cuddled... That paim supercedes any pain...i can ever be asked to bear...
and not cuddled by just anyone... by one i feel love for... this desire to mate and be loved by...
The need for human touch has become so strong that i feel my bones cracking and my life slowly being pumped out of me every single day... yet i know death isnt even near by...and i will be crushed slowly and wont die unless every breath of me has been used.
When death is bearable then life... living life is a test. a pain only those who know wat i feel can understand.
Being loveless is synonymous to being lifeless... i wish someone cud breath life into me... smile into me... hope into me... love into me... and faith into me... once again...or simply take away these breaths in one go and silence me...for ever!
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