Being Honest without a pride?

If you can help me here... it doesnt matter how young or old u r... if u r male or female, beleiver or non...

Sent from heaven or hell...

You help me i will be grateful to u... and though may not claim i will be just as much of help... i wud wish the right help comes to u whenever u need it.


This is a little personal... a little intimate..

I understand my followers are folks with good values and strong sense of right and wrong, who will understand the necessity of this post rather then use it as a subject of making fun.

My coming out doesnt mean all female folks feel this way... but i am very much a female... who is very much in touch with her feelings intutions, guts and needs and her instincts

I have been my soul researcher from the very sec i have come on the face of this earth...

I have been my own student and teacher, advisor, friend and enemy too...

I heard once and many a times... desires are men/ women worst enemy...

i never used to beleive it...

Desires are the sole reason to live and breathe in this world...

How can one find a person alive with no desire...

Look at me when i lose desire i lose my desire to live... i crave for death the very moment my heart stops desiring life, this world, or anything there is...

For past three days and a week i have came back from USA... i ahve not been the same...

Depression has got the best of me...

The reason is i fell in love too easily...and i cannot stop my feelings from showing off and making me its slave...

I cant punish myself for having them... but i feel bad abt myself and so i tend to hide myself behind the blanket...wanting these feelings to go away and stop making me feel vulnerable...

People give me advise to surround myself with work... but i know working alone wudnt do for me... and surrounding myself with folks... is not a good idea...

When you cant have faith and confidence on urself u feel vulnerable everywhere...

either u fear hurting someone or being hurt, robbed of peace of mind, cheerfulness and faith

I want to ask, if u tend to have feelings for more then one man, want to be with more then one man... not lose any of them, not give up any of them... get warmth and love from all of them... and joy on being with each one of them...how diffcilut it is to chose just one out of them.

They say a man is allowed to marry more then 1 woman and women in that case are not allowed to feel jealous or unhappy...I would like to have them all in my life every day...and if i ask them... if its ok...if i give them the permission to be with more then one woman... it shud be ok...

I cant put rules on them which i cant have on me...human nature is similar and must be respected for everyone...

I do understand there is no one man i am going to love for ever... and alone...

i do undertsand i wud only marry one if i know its ok for me to leave and find someone else when one or both of us isnt happy or totally committed to the partnership...

where the problem and pain comes from... the fact one finds someone better before the other... and the other is comfortable with whole thing not ready to give up that comfort...

and feels angered and pain...

But i am one of those who wants to stand for marrying one she loves and then being with him for the rest of her life... and he wanting the same...

But ill tell u...how islam looks at it...

Islam beleives in standing for only one entity... Allah

Giving up all p[romises and loves in the name of Allah

love of a man or woman comes after love of Allah, it can never supercede and if it does its wrong

Now i love to give msyelf peace and love, the warmth and intamacy of a soul as human as i am...so that i cud share my desires, my dreams my fears and my pains and have my human needs met...

When i see a couple cuddling each other, even when they are not married... oblivion of others... i am jealous and wish i cud have something like this...

But its p[rohbited in Islam to be close to a man before marriage...but its alright to walk out of the marriage if for any reason a harmonious togetherness is not possible...

But all those who dont want to get into the problems of ivorce, for them ideal soultion is to marry one they can ensure a harmonious happy togetherness for life...

I fear divorce, i fear to be away from someone i have given myself too... yes i do... but wat i fear even more is to die loveless, alone... without ever being as much as warmly hugged and cuddled... That paim supercedes any pain...i can ever be asked to bear...

and not cuddled by just anyone... by one i feel love for... this desire to mate and be loved by...

The need for human touch has become so strong that i feel my bones cracking and my life slowly being pumped out of me every single day... yet i know death isnt even near by...and i will be crushed slowly and wont die unless every breath of me has been used.

When death is bearable then life... living life is a test. a pain only those who know wat i feel can understand.

Being loveless is synonymous to being lifeless... i wish someone cud breath life into me... smile into me... hope into me... love into me... and faith into me... once again...or simply take away these breaths in one go and silence me...for ever!