You know i will die one day!

What Happened to my dreams?

I just came burrying the last one... with tearful eyes... that never wanted to lose its sight... but such is death... it doesnt listen to ur pleas or watches ur tears...

But so much as i wanted to bury myself beside them... it wasn't allowed.

And so i screamed, i begged, i cried, i yelled, i blamed, i cursed as my loved ones pulled me, in the moment knowing nothing but this... she will survive it just like we all did...she will grow out of this pain... and one day she will be back to her smiling cheerful self... like nothing happened...

But they were wrong...

Its been a year now... and i continue my lifeless existence...hopless, dreamless, with no will to live beyond today... but life knows how to keep me dragging... there are probably years of pain i need to suffer before i will be eligible to the death bed... no matter if my bones, and will and strength gives up...

Now there are just few colors of life that make me smile before the wound catches my attention once again...

And i realise if it were not for these few companions that understood me so well... the words and symphonies that hold me as i hear them and lose myself in their softness, sweetness and wisdom...survival would have been impossible, painful and treacherous...

I dont beleive anymore in anything...Not God, Not love, Not family, not freinds, not my voice and wat it cud bring to me and not my heart or mind of soul...

All i beleive in is destruction, which is the destiny of this world...of the hopes, of the dreams, of the plans, of the homes, of the faith...

As i move in this faithless, smileless state ... i only bring out words that rob more of u out there of wat they want to hold on to...

I still know wat wud bring me a smile... His coming back, and embracing me in his loving arms... or seeing his smile or hearing his laugh... or even his scoldings... i so know it will bring it all back..,

But i then in that instant realise... this voice scolding me... You are happy seeing one man... and you are not happy with God... the creator... you are oblivion of God and wat he can do or does... and yopu are so mesmerised by just one of his creations...

and i answer yes...

Even if you are God... i am not that happy having just you...I am happy only with some of ur creation... and if that makes u angry... then be angry... for i cant lie to u... i cant even care for u... or wat u think...


If u think i am not worth it... then take my life from me... just like u have taken the reason away... or you wud like to see me suffer... to show me u are the one mighty and without ur command nothing happens... then fine... i am ready to suffer...

You are God, and i have no wish to prove i am stronger then u... i am not... i am just a girl who likes wat she likes... and who cannot like wat she doesnt... no matter how imp it is for her life and survival...


But if you ever loved me... or are capable of loving me... kill me before i make u angrier then i already have...

Take me away to where u have burried my dreams... take me where u have taken my life... and let me be with them... for wat i wud want to do with eternity with nothing worth loving!

Promote Pakistan!

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Promote Pakistan!

Pls Join and invite your friends to join too:)


https://www.facebook.com/pages/Promote-Pakistan/187722494662020

Thank you!

Being Honest without a pride?

If you can help me here... it doesnt matter how young or old u r... if u r male or female, beleiver or non...

Sent from heaven or hell...

You help me i will be grateful to u... and though may not claim i will be just as much of help... i wud wish the right help comes to u whenever u need it.


This is a little personal... a little intimate..

I understand my followers are folks with good values and strong sense of right and wrong, who will understand the necessity of this post rather then use it as a subject of making fun.

My coming out doesnt mean all female folks feel this way... but i am very much a female... who is very much in touch with her feelings intutions, guts and needs and her instincts

I have been my soul researcher from the very sec i have come on the face of this earth...

I have been my own student and teacher, advisor, friend and enemy too...

I heard once and many a times... desires are men/ women worst enemy...

i never used to beleive it...

Desires are the sole reason to live and breathe in this world...

How can one find a person alive with no desire...

Look at me when i lose desire i lose my desire to live... i crave for death the very moment my heart stops desiring life, this world, or anything there is...

For past three days and a week i have came back from USA... i ahve not been the same...

Depression has got the best of me...

The reason is i fell in love too easily...and i cannot stop my feelings from showing off and making me its slave...

I cant punish myself for having them... but i feel bad abt myself and so i tend to hide myself behind the blanket...wanting these feelings to go away and stop making me feel vulnerable...

People give me advise to surround myself with work... but i know working alone wudnt do for me... and surrounding myself with folks... is not a good idea...

When you cant have faith and confidence on urself u feel vulnerable everywhere...

either u fear hurting someone or being hurt, robbed of peace of mind, cheerfulness and faith

I want to ask, if u tend to have feelings for more then one man, want to be with more then one man... not lose any of them, not give up any of them... get warmth and love from all of them... and joy on being with each one of them...how diffcilut it is to chose just one out of them.

They say a man is allowed to marry more then 1 woman and women in that case are not allowed to feel jealous or unhappy...I would like to have them all in my life every day...and if i ask them... if its ok...if i give them the permission to be with more then one woman... it shud be ok...

I cant put rules on them which i cant have on me...human nature is similar and must be respected for everyone...

I do understand there is no one man i am going to love for ever... and alone...

i do undertsand i wud only marry one if i know its ok for me to leave and find someone else when one or both of us isnt happy or totally committed to the partnership...

where the problem and pain comes from... the fact one finds someone better before the other... and the other is comfortable with whole thing not ready to give up that comfort...

and feels angered and pain...

But i am one of those who wants to stand for marrying one she loves and then being with him for the rest of her life... and he wanting the same...

But ill tell u...how islam looks at it...

Islam beleives in standing for only one entity... Allah

Giving up all p[romises and loves in the name of Allah

love of a man or woman comes after love of Allah, it can never supercede and if it does its wrong

Now i love to give msyelf peace and love, the warmth and intamacy of a soul as human as i am...so that i cud share my desires, my dreams my fears and my pains and have my human needs met...

When i see a couple cuddling each other, even when they are not married... oblivion of others... i am jealous and wish i cud have something like this...

But its p[rohbited in Islam to be close to a man before marriage...but its alright to walk out of the marriage if for any reason a harmonious togetherness is not possible...

But all those who dont want to get into the problems of ivorce, for them ideal soultion is to marry one they can ensure a harmonious happy togetherness for life...

I fear divorce, i fear to be away from someone i have given myself too... yes i do... but wat i fear even more is to die loveless, alone... without ever being as much as warmly hugged and cuddled... That paim supercedes any pain...i can ever be asked to bear...

and not cuddled by just anyone... by one i feel love for... this desire to mate and be loved by...

The need for human touch has become so strong that i feel my bones cracking and my life slowly being pumped out of me every single day... yet i know death isnt even near by...and i will be crushed slowly and wont die unless every breath of me has been used.

When death is bearable then life... living life is a test. a pain only those who know wat i feel can understand.

Being loveless is synonymous to being lifeless... i wish someone cud breath life into me... smile into me... hope into me... love into me... and faith into me... once again...or simply take away these breaths in one go and silence me...for ever!

jiyey Pathan!

they are drilling on my head... but its ok... they are doing something constructive and they have all the right to cause me head ache... on the contrary it feels like music, a sense of life . and wat they are doing is no jokes! its a serious effort that wud go lifelong! god bless u all and may give u a fair reward for ur honest dedicated work!:) wish i cud be like u all... contented and doing one thing all my life and still having no frown on my head!


I so wish!

i want to work work my ass off and feel great in me... have a sense of happiness that's never ending... i want to work...

please God help me... secure a job i wont feel like quiiting ever

Love i bow to!

Khamosh rehna mushkil hai
tum se door rehna mushkil hai

:D

Kya keroon, insaan hoon machine nahi!

it takes strength and will

Strrength to ley aai... magar will kehan se laoon!

No i cant ever will to leave u and forget u... no matter how much pain this wud bring me.

So when my folks and family scold me i can see my self smiling... the fact that they think i am doing the biggest blunder of my life makes me feel i am alive and they love me enuf to ask me to stop and think and are there to make me do soemthing which i may not like but which they think is best for me.

Their love i bow to...but my will i cannot kill and bury... Its my life they are talking about.