Nothing but a miracle

Imagine the universe! Imagine the creator! Who created it and placed you in it so you can know him and pray to him. He than created a long straight path through which you can reach the heavens and as you walk on it, you ask him to guide you to stay on it and not let you wander right or left on this long long path. Now think which verse of Quran this imagery reminds you of?

You guessed right! Suratul Fateh!

When you teach kids Quran this way be assured they themselves will rush to learn more and remembering Surahs would become so much easier.

Beautiful thing i experienced today, and as i imagined i felt to be in a magical land. In the hustle bustle of everyday lives; we have forgotten what a wonderful miracle God is and what miracle everything around us is.

Suspended in a sphere of energy i would say a sphere of love the vast universe created by one that has no beginning no end. Our reality is nothing but a mirage. Doesnt it boggle the mind?

SUBHANA Rabiyal Aala! And if i dont bow to His Supreme Presence,  how can I ever justify my existence.

If i dont acknowledge Him, how do i deserve a dot of livelihood, And if He hadnt chosen to reward me with the noblest and purest of his  guides, how on earth would i had survived this far and ever found my way back to Him. I dont know why i deserved it. All i wish for is may i never do a thing that would take this boon away from me! I am truly a chosen one for having my Maula to hold my hand and lead the way!

When does it hurt most!

When we have same hearts, same hopes same needs, and still cant see eye to eye with the other... thats when it hurts the most...

whats so clearly the most beautiful and most innocent and so possible yet remain unachievable cause fate doesnt have it. Thats when it hurts most.

 Its not when people kill you that hurts. Its when they break you down and leave you bleeding hurting and alive that it hurts the most.

Its not those who dont care who dont have heart who are brutal, Its not those who keep you out but its those who let you in first and then throw you out that hurt the most. 

Its all coming back to me!

I wonder how life would have been with him by my side, as my half, as my soul.

To be able to know the place where the heart eventually is contented and finally has it desires achieved.

At home, with no more goals or wishes or desires. Only gratitude,  gratitude, bowing to God for his blessings, with no to demands, no needs, no desires and no crying over them.

No longing that pinches the heart oozing the tear from my eyes and burning them, or a fire of desire, burning the inside of me leaving me tossing in pain that is heart wrenching breaking me into pieces,  and a desire to have him  hold me, soothe me, heal me and lay me to rest, lay my soul to rest and peace with that hug... that's worth life itself that hurts more then death . That hug with the power to shoo away every fear, every tear every longing and every desire.

Something I can never have again... not in this life not in eternity.

I wish I was a dead soul with no heart to desire or need. A rock that could never be touched or moved. Even being rock would not be enough I wish I was like a stone unmovable, untouchable, impenetrable.

Long time!!!

Much has changed, except me and my views, feelings and dreams! They still beat inside of me... they still remain haunting me... they still demand to be spoken, counted, and quenched!

Happy New Year!!!:)

is Here!!!!

WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR

&

thinking to adopt a child, now that marriage is not really in my cards!

Self-Assessment Adoption Quiz

he goal of this quiz is to help you (and your spouse) identify, clarify and discuss your feelings and goals about adoption. If you have a spouse or partner, complete the assessment separately, then compare and discuss your answers.

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1. 
   

1. Why do you want to adopt? to have someone to love, and feel lifes worthiness and aim
   
2. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest, how badly do 8
3. Who is the driver of wanting this adoption? Will this cause conflict? you want to adopt?Me (definitely)
4. • Me (a little bit more than my spouse)
   • My spouse/partner (definitely)
   • My spouse/partner (a little bit more)
   • Both want to adopt about the same
5. Will this driver/driven dynamic cause conflict in your relationship? i am single
   
6. What age child would you prefer to adopt? (Underline the preferred age, and circle all ages you would be willing to consider.)
   • Newborn (under six months)
   • Infant (newborn to 2)
   • Preschooler (3 to 5)
   • Primary school (6 to 10)
   • Middle school (11 to 14)
   • High school (15 to 18)
7. How firm are you on the age selected above?  firm
   
8. Which of the following disabilities would you be willing to consider in an adoptive child? (Select all that you would consider)
   • Drug exposed (occasional)
   • Deafness
   • Mild or medically correctable condition
   • No drugs or alcohol considered
   • Non-correctable (cerebral palsy, retardation etc.)
   • Alcohol exposed (occasional)
   • Alcohol exposed (frequent)
   • Smoking exposed
   • Emotional/mental disorders in family
   • Emotional/mental disorders in child
   • Premature birth
   • Multiple birth
   • Club foot
   • Cleft pallet or lip
   • Downs Syndrome
   • Epilepsy in child
   • Epilepsy in family
   • Blindness
   • Diabetes in child
   • Diabetes in family
   • Conceived through rape
   • Conceived through incest
   • Nothing known about father
   • Nothing known about mother
   • Sibling group
9. Which of the following racial heritages would you be willing to consider in an adoptive child? (Select all that apply)
   • Any Child
   • Arab/Middle Eastern
   • Asian
   • African American
   • Caucasian
   • Caucasian/Asian
   • Caucasian/African American
   • European
   • Caucasian/Hispanic
   • Caucasian/Native American
   • Eastern European/Slavic/Russian
   • Hispanic or South/Central American
   • Mediterranean
   • Middle Eastern
   • Multi-Racial
   • Native American (American Indian)
   • Pacific Islander
10. Which gender would you prefer in your child?
    • Girl
    • Boy
    • Either
11. Would you consider twins?
    • Yes
    • No
12. Do you feel you are stable in your relationship as a couple without having children? yes
    
13. Which friends and family members would you want to tell about your adoption plans? Which would be supportive and which would not?  i will be able to make them all get alone with my decision
    
14. What level of openness are you willing to consider with birthparents?
    • Completely open adoption
    • Open adoption with reasonable boundaries
    • Exchanging letters and photos only
    • Completely confidential adoption
15. Would you be willing to comply with specific birth family requests regarding child rearing (such as religious instruction, name or schooling)?
    • Yes
    • No
16. 15. Where would you be willing to go to adopt? (Select all that apply)
    • Only in our state
    • Neighboring states
    • Anywhere in US
    • International
17. How much time will you take off work during and after the adoption? as much as i can... i will work for it, so that i can give a him a good life.
    
18. How much money would you be willing to spend on an adoption?  not much... minimal fees if possible. ki wud rather spend more on the kid then on the adoption services. which i beleive shud be a not so expensive service
    
19. How much economic hardship would that cause?
    
20. When and how do you feel children should be told they're adopted?
    • As early as possible / preschool
    • Mid- to late-childhood
    • As adults
    • Only when they ask
    • Only when they find out
    • Never
    • Not sure
21. Would you support/assist your child if he/she wanted to find, contact or have a relationship with his/her birthparents?
    • Yes
    • No
    • Don't know
22. Many adoptive parents have 'dry runs' before they actually adopt. How would you handle an adoption that matched with you but did not end up placing? dont get it
    
23. 22. Will you or your spouse (partner) change your workload outside the home after the adoption?
    • Yes, I will stay at home with the child
    • Yes, my spouse will stay at home with the child
    • I will reduce my work load to part time
    • My spouse will reduce his/her work load to part time
    • Will remain the same
    • Already stay-at-home
24. What do you feel you could contribute to a child? love affection and good life
    
25. What aspects of childrearing are so important to you that you would find it difficult to compromise (such as discipline, religion, schooling, stay-at-home parenting, etc.)? loving and providing for its basic needs as well as socal need for him/ her to be a good and positve human being
    
26. Are you ready to love an adopted child as much as one you gave birth to biologically?
    • Yes
    • No
    • I think so
    • I don't know
27. Would you prefer to continue with infertility treatment before seriously pursuing adoption? If so, why? No
    
28. Deep down do you feel like you are being forced to adopt if you want to have children, adoption as a means to build a family is "second best," or that adoption is your "last resort" if you want to be able to have children?  No
    (If you answered yes to any of these points, there is a very good chance that you have some significant unresolved issues relating to infertility that you might find beneficial to address and resolve prior to adopting.)
    
29. What is the ideal adoption situation for you? none
    
30. Ideally, how many children would you like? 2
    
31. How long are you willing to wait to adopt?
    • Up to six months
    • Six months to 1 year
    • 1 year to 2 years
    • 2 to 3 years
    • However long it takes

I am done Loving!

He is the only one i love but i cant be with him. Its a shame.

I am asked to look out for new love but i tell every one.. i am done loving... and i am glad i got a chance to  have loved fully. i gave him all that i had... and now i have nothing to left in me... an emppty hollow heart... and a soul that is full of him


so i might marry another , . but it wont be for love, it wud be for duty..

.i never believed in marriage without love... i never believed in  loving one and marryig other... i dont believe in having a wandering and longing heart while i am with someone on my side... 

i believe in loving once and giving my everything to it. and i did... 

Aren't men supposed to know the womans heart... and whats in it when they seek to marry... or are they just bothered about having their  needs met... need for sex... need for food and need for support.

or do men really do care for a woman like a woman care for a man? to know them inside out

May be he tried teaching me this  lesson. when needs are at stake... man cant think.

but all i know is i have loved for this life... and may be i failed... but even if my heart bleeds and my soul cries,   i do smile and laugh and sing and dance, when i come across something mesmerizing. This world is so beautiful with so many beautiful people... including all those heart throbs, my mind tries temoting me with... and i do think men make this planet beautiful, just like man think woman make this world beautiful... 

but for me he stands out... like a sun among stars... like a  kind among people... like a love among infatuations...  and a longing among needs. needs that can be easily fulfilled and replaced... he on the other hand is   longing that tugs at my heart and keeps it bleeding through my eyes.

I may have losthim... but i didnt lose my will to love him.  its still there and my hearthsnt stop bating on his name. 

 i sinserely wish those who love me cud know how i feel and let me be and forgive me for not being like them...not thinking like them... not behaving like them. not existing like them.

I was born to be myself... love my way... live my way, dress my way, eat my way... exist my way  and finally die my way!