Was missing you yesterday night and today... Gladly i got things done... yet i wanted to run away to my own heaven. I love my folks... but i cant be around them all the time.

I wonder if this need for privacy will leave me once i get married. and then i hope i will be more involved with wat family is concerned abt.

Lubaina is here... and she is understanding... or atleast she knows wat to expoect from me.... and when u are family u have no choice but to bear each other...and know wats to be expected and still find that love to always be there... i like to talk i love company... but i feel overwhelmed when shopping is being discussed. With me off work, and in no real need to resume it... my apetite to buy things has gone down...

Dont get me wrong i love stufff.. from beautiful dresses to accessroies, to shoes, to eating out at nice places...to decorting homes and buying stuff which ease ur pain and make u feel blessed... i love them... but i am bad with money and i am bad with pressured buying. I am impulsive buyer and my sensibility leaves me when i go to get soemthing... either i become too sensible to not spend a penny or to kiddish to think like money grows on trees... i know nothing of wat is called calculated buying...

No matter how many budgets i make as to how i will invest my income... i end up either saving most... or spending without even feeling if the money did me good... as i hardly remember the taste and feel of wat i just did with that much money...

so i dont know but when it comes to going shopping the only thing i feel i am capable of is for someone else to take me to places... i pick the dresses and someone else to pay the price... and if thats not possible let me stay at home... and blog or listen to my videos. watch movies, think and dream and do wat ever creative and fun i can do with the least amnt of money i have... with no hassle or tantrums from anyone...

I wonder if i will ever get my mind clear abt wat money is , why its imp... how i need to use it... and what the perfect amount like... for a comfortable life... and whicg will not give me a feeling... i am misusing it. I like places that give me fun without asking for a lot...

so most of my pleasures are money less... those with money they give me a place to impress and show off... and yes it does give me a good feeling and confidence and esteem, but true happiness nah... that comes from... very cute stuff which mostly dont need money...:) My crazy imagination, my dreams... my thoughts and so many of the othger ppl thought which i come across... the conversations which lukcily i have... and those musle moving... whether i dance sing, or do anything creative...

before i talk more stupid... let me end it here...

i know this blog is clueless of wat it wants to acheive... but i know this was a day which i am not very fond of... reason... i had to go out... and be away from PC for half of the day... and now i am totally mad.. and irritated...