Dont Why Marriage

Marry for the pleasure like no other, blessing like no other, and love like no other...:)

who to marry?

Watching may parrents, and their arguments... over the time and their not seeing each other in eye... i started to fear marriage from a very early age. Also with my not so happy childhood, my inability to mix with ppl and enjoy myself and express myself... made me fear intamacy with others to considerable level... Every time i opened my mouth i was either asked to shut up, was ignored or neglected. and i realised there was no point saying, or i had to think so much before speaking for the fear of being laughed at or not understood, i was always queit, but my inability to enjoy others and thier viewpoints made me feel i wasnt made for social life. and my only favorite passtime and time of happiness was when i was left to myself, to enjoy my peaceful yet contradicting thoughts where i was never shunned.

I started writing from a very early age. But i kept my toughts too myself for the fear of being called bad or feel ashamed or embarassed.

But i was lucky to fell in love three times. one for eight years secretly admiring a person... who i later found out was ina relationship and not my type... i know for eight years... u cudnt say iuf he was... actually i cared for him... but we were not compatible and he had no interest in me... nor i in what he had to say or like...

later i liked another person and i loved once more hoping he may feel the same way... but to no avail.

this third time was more dramatic... and i am not sure if we will be together which i doubt now... but the fact that i doubt ever falling in love again with anyone else even more i feel i need to keep hope we will get together somehow... and i do feel i want to be there for him...if that makes sense...

but he was the only person i tried being myself to and enjoy. But i do feel he still thinks he can get someone better... and though he may... he doesnt realise he will still not get it a perfect marriage and sacrificing is part of marriage... unless u simply choose not to see it that way...

I never wanted to why marriage, though i hated arranged marriage, marriage with someone u dont seem to love a lot but u give in juts cuz u r too afraid of staying single and regretting it later... and then u live ur life trying to mould that person into someone u can like... and luckiily u get kids and absorb urself in them so u dont feel as bad as u otherwise felt... and no matter how my mom regrets the part where she shared her displeasure with me... i know she cant take that back... and she cant convince me that wasnt how it was. and i hate to follow the same by marrying someone i dont love with all my heart and soul, something i thought wudnt be such a difficult thing... but something which i feel has taken more time then it should. I am 32 and though i feel i can wait longer i am just wondering... if this really will happen:) God please make it happen for me... let me be ready and prepared...