What Happened to my dreams?

I just came burrying the last one... with tearful eyes... that never wanted to lose its sight... but such is death... it doesnt listen to ur pleas or watches ur tears...

But so much as i wanted to bury myself beside them... it wasn't allowed.

And so i screamed, i begged, i cried, i yelled, i blamed, i cursed as my loved ones pulled me, in the moment knowing nothing but this... she will survive it just like we all did...she will grow out of this pain... and one day she will be back to her smiling cheerful self... like nothing happened...

But they were wrong...

Its been a year now... and i continue my lifeless existence...hopless, dreamless, with no will to live beyond today... but life knows how to keep me dragging... there are probably years of pain i need to suffer before i will be eligible to the death bed... no matter if my bones, and will and strength gives up...

Now there are just few colors of life that make me smile before the wound catches my attention once again...

And i realise if it were not for these few companions that understood me so well... the words and symphonies that hold me as i hear them and lose myself in their softness, sweetness and wisdom...survival would have been impossible, painful and treacherous...

I dont beleive anymore in anything...Not God, Not love, Not family, not freinds, not my voice and wat it cud bring to me and not my heart or mind of soul...

All i beleive in is destruction, which is the destiny of this world...of the hopes, of the dreams, of the plans, of the homes, of the faith...

As i move in this faithless, smileless state ... i only bring out words that rob more of u out there of wat they want to hold on to...

I still know wat wud bring me a smile... His coming back, and embracing me in his loving arms... or seeing his smile or hearing his laugh... or even his scoldings... i so know it will bring it all back..,

But i then in that instant realise... this voice scolding me... You are happy seeing one man... and you are not happy with God... the creator... you are oblivion of God and wat he can do or does... and yopu are so mesmerised by just one of his creations...

and i answer yes...

Even if you are God... i am not that happy having just you...I am happy only with some of ur creation... and if that makes u angry... then be angry... for i cant lie to u... i cant even care for u... or wat u think...


If u think i am not worth it... then take my life from me... just like u have taken the reason away... or you wud like to see me suffer... to show me u are the one mighty and without ur command nothing happens... then fine... i am ready to suffer...

You are God, and i have no wish to prove i am stronger then u... i am not... i am just a girl who likes wat she likes... and who cannot like wat she doesnt... no matter how imp it is for her life and survival...


But if you ever loved me... or are capable of loving me... kill me before i make u angrier then i already have...

Take me away to where u have burried my dreams... take me where u have taken my life... and let me be with them... for wat i wud want to do with eternity with nothing worth loving!