Tanha hoon main

tanha hoon main aaj kyun

i never thought lonleiness was wat i wanted a companion for... i never have been lonely nor beleive i ever will be... i wanted to wait for him... the one who would come and make me his...give me a home i could call my own... when u came... i felt i found a home, but someone else was already living in it.. and even though u said u were lonely and needed someone... i cud feel i cud never be the one... as u never invited me...specifically... and then i thought i wasnt meant for it... still i cud never feel the loneliness... not even when u left me for her... i felt an emptiness... with u gone... but i still was not lonely... as i knew so much of me was going to stay with me... neither u cud know nor u cid feel or beleive the way i do... and then even around u i cud feel lonely, so i didnt feel u were wat i needed... though at times when u came to me witha heavy heart and asked me to hug u i felt may be we were meant to... that may be we could make it togetehr... but then ur running away on the name of commitment... made me think if we cvould ever be one soul two bodies... like its supposed to be... now you have left me once again... this time when i was abt to die with pain...i was ditched, hurt broken... but is till didnt feel lonely... with Gods love, with my family like a shade of cool breeze , i still didnt feel i was lonely, but today when i listend to my favorite song, or wanted to hear your cheer for the match won... listening to ur passionate quotes, and these endless moments going without your laughter, smile , curse and sound... i dont know if wat i am feeling is loneliness... but why is it so that when i am with you i dont feel like i need anything...that i have everything and when u go away i feel lost in u...walking around the home like a ghost... singing to herself, crying to herself, laughting to herself, smiling to herself, and feeling all the feelings, herself...

i am not lonely but i still need love... your being there... to share some moments or may be a lifetime... who knows wat love is... who knows wat a girl and boy supposed to do, or say or feel... i feel something ... and i feel it for u... i dont know wat it is... i assumed it was love... i even said it to you... but now with u gone and not even a promise to return... i am lost... stuck... in my own promise that i will wait for u... as i cant love someone if i loved u...yet i feel i am obliged to marry and have a family... something which i wud have loved to have with u.... but with you gone... i feel i will be asked to have it with someone... all i need to do is replace your name with someone elses... and its done... but who... and if anyone cud have done... why i kept saying no to all until u came..... and i cud not say no to any of it... it was a yes... my heart still feels you will come... i know its impossible... for u to come and for me to take u back... but my heart just wants to keep the commitment... which was i will only be yours...

today i am alone... cuz u will not come and i wont let anyone else fill that space... and though i love my company... we laugh sing and cry and flutter, and glitter and cheer and feel exactly without needing to say a word.. something which can never happen with you around... with you i know i will have to say good bye to meeting salman khan, to travel the world, to sing with no care in the world... to live like i do... as then i will be asked to please you and who knows wat pleases u... and wat doesnt...if i had pleased u wud u ahve left me like that... after telling me you loved me... so i know i cant...but i will wait for u... to tell u... i am faithful even when u cudnt be...may be this is the price i pay for loving someone with my whol;e heart... from trusting you without even testing you once...:) but i loved u so...i cudnt test u...i only wanted to help u... to please... u to make u happy... to see u laugh... and smile and happy...

may be i am lonely, but with ur memories and so much love... i never feel it until i am made to beleive... i am... then i feel may be i am or one day i will be...