Friday, June 3, 2011
In trance!
in trance... :) lost gone...i wish i am not needed, not asked for, not called, for i dont like to disappoint ppl when i am in a trance... lost in a moment which has my heart... and until the feeling leaves me i will be in it... restless, aroused, drowned...Need a Blow to bring me out of this... sometimes reality means nothing to me...
X- Factor India
SO i was crying half the time... and smiling the rest even laughing:) X Factor does that...
You come from all around india to prove your singing talents, and the feelings and hopes and dreams associated with it is something truly amazing...
I cudnt help my tears when there was this 21 yr old macho, handsome guy, singing a sad song... Bhuladiya... and as his mom stood there with her hands clenched and tears falling, i cud see how she must have had been there along the way seeing him sing, correcting her, feeding him, caring for him and seeing him there on the munch... wanting her son to get his dreams... to become successful... and then when sonu and the rest of the judges said yes we all were crying yes... i was... also wondering if the song had some story too...
Then a rikshaw wala came in... with his wife and a year daughter... and as he started ... i cudnt stop jhooming:P i was in the trance as he sang in voices similar to that of mukesh... andevery one moved along... so when he shared his dream, that he wud like to get his wifes dream to be a teacher ... and sonu said that i can see ur wifes dream coming true and not juts that i can see u driving around with ur wife in a car soon... and how he humbly broke down... telling the journey behind him, the hopes, the dreams , the hard times... and the wonderful opportunity that took him from the rumbles and might be placing him somewhere top... i cried and when my brother tried teasing him for crying i hushed him for these emotions are priceless...
They may not have money, but they were fortunate and exceptional in many ways...
then a lot more but these two moved me the most...
The best part watching these programs is when we all bring down our facade and cry and come in line with our human most sensitive side , where we are joyous on someones victory and sad on someones disappointments... people miles away, divided by borders, yet we feel for them like our own...Like its not their success or failure we are watching its as if we see humanity winning or losing....
You come from all around india to prove your singing talents, and the feelings and hopes and dreams associated with it is something truly amazing...
I cudnt help my tears when there was this 21 yr old macho, handsome guy, singing a sad song... Bhuladiya... and as his mom stood there with her hands clenched and tears falling, i cud see how she must have had been there along the way seeing him sing, correcting her, feeding him, caring for him and seeing him there on the munch... wanting her son to get his dreams... to become successful... and then when sonu and the rest of the judges said yes we all were crying yes... i was... also wondering if the song had some story too...
Then a rikshaw wala came in... with his wife and a year daughter... and as he started ... i cudnt stop jhooming:P i was in the trance as he sang in voices similar to that of mukesh... andevery one moved along... so when he shared his dream, that he wud like to get his wifes dream to be a teacher ... and sonu said that i can see ur wifes dream coming true and not juts that i can see u driving around with ur wife in a car soon... and how he humbly broke down... telling the journey behind him, the hopes, the dreams , the hard times... and the wonderful opportunity that took him from the rumbles and might be placing him somewhere top... i cried and when my brother tried teasing him for crying i hushed him for these emotions are priceless...
They may not have money, but they were fortunate and exceptional in many ways...
then a lot more but these two moved me the most...
The best part watching these programs is when we all bring down our facade and cry and come in line with our human most sensitive side , where we are joyous on someones victory and sad on someones disappointments... people miles away, divided by borders, yet we feel for them like our own...Like its not their success or failure we are watching its as if we see humanity winning or losing....
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Being Human and Now Akbar Shahbaz!
Just in the morning when i made a comment on being human status.... the team member replied
" Farida.... long time how have u been, how is all going... God bless" and i cudnt help smiling for being remembered by being human team :D... and went a little ahead thinking one day Salman Khan will say this... "hey farida... Long time... how r u doing my friend, life isnt same without u:P "(haha dream on farida , dream on)
and now this
This is an email i just received from my teacher Akbar Shahbaz, a very known figure in the radio history.
I went to him for a two month course and juts after a week i had to leave for US. However due to some change in plan i never went, but not juts that i didn't go back to take my remaining classes, as something terrible had happened and my apetite for everything went away with it... i knew for once that after completing this course it will be a waste if i dont get a shot on one of the channels, and without me being in state of awesomeness which this job entitles i wont be able to do it... my life had made a turn which had left me paralyzed and so i never regained the motivation to join the course, i quit my job, i cudnt quit living but that was that i had quit everything else:( such was my sorry state...
I am feeling better much better, but i am still not completely back... rocking back...i know i will after i get u back with me...:) smiling kicking me in the ass... like always... But this note makes me feel great,and appreciate life and myself more then i usually do:)... i know i leae impressions on ppl... but such deep ones i never knew...in such busy times with so much to grab ur attention and heart... it just makes me believe in myself a little bit more...
here's the letter i received from my mentor, who i never called back in anticipation of me not yet ready for it:) (Mind u i wasnt a good student, i was way to unenthusiastic and lacking then his students still i got this email:)
Hi Farida Nizam, Salaamoalaiycum & Hello There!!
I hope you are doing good, which ever part of the world you are at.
I got one of your mails but it was all blank. I hope I didn't miss anything. We, at Radio Star Broadcasting school are also doing good. Some of my students are now on the Radio and TV.
This note was just to say Hello. Keep in touch and let us know if you are coming to Pakistan.
Best regards,
Akbar Shahbaz
PS: i never went to USA... but he thinks so... i have already paid the course fee, which entitles me to resume back the studies where i left them... he thinks i have a radio voice:)
" Farida.... long time how have u been, how is all going... God bless" and i cudnt help smiling for being remembered by being human team :D... and went a little ahead thinking one day Salman Khan will say this... "hey farida... Long time... how r u doing my friend, life isnt same without u:P "(haha dream on farida , dream on)
and now this
This is an email i just received from my teacher Akbar Shahbaz, a very known figure in the radio history.
I went to him for a two month course and juts after a week i had to leave for US. However due to some change in plan i never went, but not juts that i didn't go back to take my remaining classes, as something terrible had happened and my apetite for everything went away with it... i knew for once that after completing this course it will be a waste if i dont get a shot on one of the channels, and without me being in state of awesomeness which this job entitles i wont be able to do it... my life had made a turn which had left me paralyzed and so i never regained the motivation to join the course, i quit my job, i cudnt quit living but that was that i had quit everything else:( such was my sorry state...
I am feeling better much better, but i am still not completely back... rocking back...i know i will after i get u back with me...:) smiling kicking me in the ass... like always... But this note makes me feel great,and appreciate life and myself more then i usually do:)... i know i leae impressions on ppl... but such deep ones i never knew...in such busy times with so much to grab ur attention and heart... it just makes me believe in myself a little bit more...
here's the letter i received from my mentor, who i never called back in anticipation of me not yet ready for it:) (Mind u i wasnt a good student, i was way to unenthusiastic and lacking then his students still i got this email:)
Hi Farida Nizam, Salaamoalaiycum & Hello There!!
I hope you are doing good, which ever part of the world you are at.
I got one of your mails but it was all blank. I hope I didn't miss anything. We, at Radio Star Broadcasting school are also doing good. Some of my students are now on the Radio and TV.
This note was just to say Hello. Keep in touch and let us know if you are coming to Pakistan.
Best regards,
Akbar Shahbaz
PS: i never went to USA... but he thinks so... i have already paid the course fee, which entitles me to resume back the studies where i left them... he thinks i have a radio voice:)
Strongly, Madly, Deeply...
When i see maula... sad... i want to do anything to make him smile... to let him know as long as i am there i wont let a thing happen to you or us... :) and then i feel i am no body just a crazy kid who never stopped living in her dreams, where everything was possible... where she cud fight and get killed and do it with a smile... but in reality... she cannot retain a smile even when she is faced with not even close to death event... she isnt yet that strong but one day she will or who knows she will go even more coward over the days...But Maula... dont be sad, for it means u are afraid we wont turn out to be as good as we say we are... Are you afraid for us not being strongly madly deeply in love with u... is it that scares u for us and our future... I cant claim for the rest... but for me and my offspring i promise u i will give birth to kids who will never fail u...:) who will be even more strong in their faith and love for u then me...:) Please maula smile... for i know with ur smile my world gets its livelihood... My life is for u... take it ... for i belong to no one else but u... do as u please with this humble servant of yours. Make me wat u always dreamed for me... i dont know yet if i am ready for the test... i am scared for when i say God i am ready, god really gets more serious then i may have imagined... he juts literally takes all i say and makes it happen... I dont know wat will he ask of me this time...what if i chicken out...
if i do, then push me into it, but dont ever let me leave your side, or stop loving me, watching over me, being there for me and making me do as you would please...for thats wat love asks, for thats wat faith asks and it never settles for less... never...:)
if i do, then push me into it, but dont ever let me leave your side, or stop loving me, watching over me, being there for me and making me do as you would please...for thats wat love asks, for thats wat faith asks and it never settles for less... never...:)
Not without you in my heart....
I fear it, i beg for it to not happen, i hope for it to not happen, i wish for it to not happen but one day may be it will happen and i wont be able to do a thing...my plights and screams will not stop it, my tears and breaking down and losing sanity and throwing fists around will not stop it and my reasons and justifications will not stop it... i will have to face it and live with it and i will feel wronged... i will hate my life but that wont make a difference, i will plead with God, Reason with him, even brutally shout at Him, call him unjust, it wont make a difference and then i will after a while give up and find myself moving along with it and seeing beyond it juts like a dawn comes after a night... and what i will find will amaze me, lighten me make me smile once again just a little brighter and fuller...something i was never to give myself a chance to ever experience if i had not been asked to part with what ever little i was holding on to... like a dying man holding on to the last hope and lifeline...thinking it would end with his/ her life... but when God gives u life, he also gives u a reason to live it and though we may doubt if we ever will come across something better more beautifuler then we have, we are proved wrong everytime when we are asked to let it go and move in the direction god reserves for us, whether we let go without a lot of hate or do it with patience and faith its up to us...
And yet to know i will have to see it, experience it tears my heart...makes me make a silent wish to never let me see it for i fear i wont be able to bear it. why will i be asked to part with you... see how i have strengthened myself, see how i am not letting myself down...
I dont really mind this distance... all i cannot let happen is to be one place and my heart somewhere else... if my heart agrees to go with me where i go... then i am not afraid to walk anywhere... but not without my heart...
And yet to know i will have to see it, experience it tears my heart...makes me make a silent wish to never let me see it for i fear i wont be able to bear it. why will i be asked to part with you... see how i have strengthened myself, see how i am not letting myself down...
I dont really mind this distance... all i cannot let happen is to be one place and my heart somewhere else... if my heart agrees to go with me where i go... then i am not afraid to walk anywhere... but not without my heart...
Dont read it for i dont know if i made a sense...
Sunnis and Shias can never be same, nor can Bohris, nor can Hindus, nor can Christians... they are not one... but they still can coexist peacefully. You dont have to be of the same breed and blood and even cast or faith to treat the other with respect and care... but to call one faith to be equivalent to another is not a stance worth fighting for... its possible to use mother for maa for mom... and mean the same... but to call God, Allah, bhagwan and Jesus, are not one and the same thing.... for jesus will remain to be jesus, Allah will remain to be Allah and Bhagwan will be bhagwan not Allah.
So when i hear some Dr. Mujtaba, to take all the Muslims for a walk to declare we are all Pakistani, i feel it's okay for every one of the faith to unite this once to fight for the country which is as much yours as mine, and to keep our differences to ourselves and not let that mingle with a thing which is honorable for all indisputably, but i am not sure of who this person is and how sincere he is in his effort and if this movement isn't about making all faith to think they are one and the same just cause they are all living in one spot
Unless i resemble your faith to an extent that we differ not in any one definition we will not be considered similar on basis of faith (iman)...
I have learned the most generous, yet trying way... that faith has a paramount significance in ones life.
Where as one faith allows for fortification to be an okay social custom, another calls it an unpardonable sin. Where as one faith announces Ali to be next to Rasul in every walk of his life, Other claims him to be not so, where one says Jesus to be son of God or God himself, the other claims for him to be his humble apostle.
To change one truth into a lie is an act of manipulation and hypocrisy, which is next to the sin of shirk in Islam and for me Islam is the only religion worth following reason i am a Muslim and bound by my own heart and soul to die as one...
but to say Shia is more of a Muslim or Sunni is more of a Muslim or that a Muslim has a right to live more then a Christian or that one is bound to be like other to get salvation really is not something we are in position to comment about... what we should know is that if we are different it is for us whether to stick being so and live our life on our faith or take the other... but to say we all are one and thus it doesn't matter what we believe and practice or who we follow... will not be one and the same thing...
your faith is what u decide with all the knowledge and wisdom u possess and it is what decides only your life alone and of those who u have a power to influence it on, that is your offspring.
So when i hear some Dr. Mujtaba, to take all the Muslims for a walk to declare we are all Pakistani, i feel it's okay for every one of the faith to unite this once to fight for the country which is as much yours as mine, and to keep our differences to ourselves and not let that mingle with a thing which is honorable for all indisputably, but i am not sure of who this person is and how sincere he is in his effort and if this movement isn't about making all faith to think they are one and the same just cause they are all living in one spot
Unless i resemble your faith to an extent that we differ not in any one definition we will not be considered similar on basis of faith (iman)...
I have learned the most generous, yet trying way... that faith has a paramount significance in ones life.
Where as one faith allows for fortification to be an okay social custom, another calls it an unpardonable sin. Where as one faith announces Ali to be next to Rasul in every walk of his life, Other claims him to be not so, where one says Jesus to be son of God or God himself, the other claims for him to be his humble apostle.
To change one truth into a lie is an act of manipulation and hypocrisy, which is next to the sin of shirk in Islam and for me Islam is the only religion worth following reason i am a Muslim and bound by my own heart and soul to die as one...
but to say Shia is more of a Muslim or Sunni is more of a Muslim or that a Muslim has a right to live more then a Christian or that one is bound to be like other to get salvation really is not something we are in position to comment about... what we should know is that if we are different it is for us whether to stick being so and live our life on our faith or take the other... but to say we all are one and thus it doesn't matter what we believe and practice or who we follow... will not be one and the same thing...
your faith is what u decide with all the knowledge and wisdom u possess and it is what decides only your life alone and of those who u have a power to influence it on, that is your offspring.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
you drape me....and make me shine
Cant believe parting with my dresses cud be such an emotional thing:) they are mine and i love them and thinking someone else wud have them doesnt give me a good feeling, i still am not over them..(i never really get over things that easily)... i parting from them never works...they made me look good feel good look beautiful and feel respectful, they draped me, so no one cud look down on me... they honoured me by never failing me... yet i went a little over the head with them... playing football in kurta shalwar... and they had no choice but to show their displeasure by tearing from one of the sides... and now i dont think it will ever be the same... yet i feel i can do something so i dont have to give them up alltogether...
same goes with the rest, due to me gaining weight sometimes or they getting a little old and pale in color, but still retaining some of their cuteness and feel that made me fall in love with them... i still cant get a heart to give them away...
so thats me... when i love something its a big deal to let it go...though i may be careless with them... as i am careless with even myself, but never do i ever stop loving them... never...
now i am holding them in my lap... and wondering if i cud fix them so i dont have to really let go of them... they are the dresses that always get a good compliment when i wear them... and i love to see myself draped in them... for they enhance me in every possible way...:)
no wonder why i think so much for every thing that i bring into my life... for i only have to have the best....i can do without nothing but if i have to have it it has to be my hearts choice...:)
ooh so i keep them... for they soothe me...:)
same goes with the rest, due to me gaining weight sometimes or they getting a little old and pale in color, but still retaining some of their cuteness and feel that made me fall in love with them... i still cant get a heart to give them away...
so thats me... when i love something its a big deal to let it go...though i may be careless with them... as i am careless with even myself, but never do i ever stop loving them... never...
now i am holding them in my lap... and wondering if i cud fix them so i dont have to really let go of them... they are the dresses that always get a good compliment when i wear them... and i love to see myself draped in them... for they enhance me in every possible way...:)
no wonder why i think so much for every thing that i bring into my life... for i only have to have the best....i can do without nothing but if i have to have it it has to be my hearts choice...:)
ooh so i keep them... for they soothe me...:)
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