Monday, February 28, 2011

Need to leave now!

I am in fix...i love you too much to hurt you...but i must leave and start a life... somewhere else... walk the path i am destined to walk...:) a journey i long awaited all my life...i know ull miss me terribly but i must leave now...i need to make a life too like u did... but i hurt too for ur pain and loss...having me around is such a treat... but my life is calling me.. and i cant stay around anymore...but illl always be in touch... and ill visit as often as i can...will that be ok! can i say dont miss me much...find joy somewhere else mom... i am so sorry for leaving u:( i wudnt if i didnt need to...and i need to now...i need it like life...i wish i was a man...who cud take u along... keep u close... but i am a woman... and i have to make someplace else my home...my home... is where my heart is... and it left with him... he took it with him... and i cudnt stop and do anything... i went after him like a child goes after his mom... and now he is my home the only home i can call my own:)

Every one tells me you will be fine without me... Every mother deals with it and every mother is ready for it... but i never felt u were ready... may be if i had left early before i had opened up to u and made u listen to all my stories and have a say in almost every part of ur life... and strengthened this bond to sucha level it wud have been easy but now... i am scared to leave u... especially when i feel u cudnt do without me for even a week... going for good can take so much time... Oh God juts when i feel u need us the most... i have to go... pls go to either Alis, or Tahirs, the kids will take my place... and give u a reason to look forward every day...

and please try to develop the same bond we had with bhabi... she is a daughter too... better then me... i only made u do every thing... they will need help and will be helping too..:) the love u juts like i wud... and they wont yell at you sometimes or lecture you like i used to... they wont even ask u to do wat u are not good at... mom... i am hoping to make his home full of life... full of love and full of joys... i am alreayd in love with his parrents... i feel they need me more then u do... well i can be wrong... but with their daughters gone... i can try to be their fdaughter... and will make sure... they always have a smile when they sleep in the night..:) ill take away all their cares...and give them grand children too... who will call then dada and dadi..:) and i alreayd feel at home...

He needs love... and he is an angry yound man... but i know with a loving touch his anger will vanish away... besides who can stay angry and mad with me... its impossible...

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